When I left you cried. When you left, i died.

2007-12-18T15:32:00.000+08:00

2007-10-16T10:47:00.000+08:00

Suddenly everything seemed to be so scary.
Few more weeks of hanging on to something which I have no interest in.
Few more weeks till we decide how things are going to be.

I pray nothing goes downhill, but changes are good.
I just don't want this to end, this beautiful thing we holding on to.
Yes, I am praying hard..

We've been together for a while now
We're growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there's no doubt
I will stay with you as each morning brings sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
On my love you can rely
And I'll stay with you

I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

Though relationships can get old
They have the tendency to grow cold
We have something like miracle
I'll stay with you

And there will be heartaches and pains, yes it will
But through it all, we will remain
In this life, we all know
Friends may come, and they may go
Through the years I know
I will stay
And in the end I know that we'll find
Love so beautiful and divine
We'll be lovers for the lifetime
And I'll stay with you

I will stay with you.

-John legend

2007-10-16T01:38:00.000+08:00

I wished today never ended.

Because it was one of those days where everything seem perfect though we had raindrops falling on our heads.

Because we walked and talked.. and smiled after a long long time.

Because shopping had never been more fun!

Because I felt appreciated.

Because we didn't even finish the food we ordered.

Because it was like the first date, only better :)

Thank you.

2007-10-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of Mak last night.

Earlier, my MSN personal message was " Raya seem like any other day.. I hope you miss us the way we miss you "

In the dream, she was an IT-savvy grandmother. We went to a wedding held on Hari Raya itself, and there she was sitting in-front of a laptop and her personal message was " I miss you more than anything else ".

Is it a sign from God to tell us yes, she misses us too? Or is it because I've been crying my heart out because I miss her so much. Or maybe God wants to make me feel better by having an image of her every now and then so it won't be too painful.

Yes, I did call but to no Avail.

Mak, we miss you a whole lot. We hope you'd come back this Raya like how it use to be.

God, Please take care of her.

2007-10-13T01:26:00.001+08:00

Family, Friends & Visitors,

Salam Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Halalkan yang termakan & terminum. If any of my posts have offended you before, tangan dihulur, memohon kemaafan.

May all of you have a joyous & blessed Hari Raya.

**

Sri, she has issues. Confirm.
No point babe because they will never shut up.
Nevermind about that, orang nak kawin ke.. nak terase ke..
I shall let them be.

Case close.
bothered? no, just self-expression.

2007-10-12T16:47:00.000+08:00

I tossed and turned last night, thinking of the so many things I would want to resolve before asking for forgiveness from people I’ve hurt.

The power of internet has never failed to amaze me. A few weeks back, a friend mentioned the difference between a blog and a personal diary. Yes, stab me with words all you want. I’m laughing because it’s just plain dumb.

Firstly, if one thinks that my blog is boring and my entries are contradicting why even bother reading it? Oh yeah, I forgot. Perhaps this person enjoys laughing, criticizing me and of course, carrying more sins. Sigh.

I thought I was being nice by asking the boy to wish her a Happy Birthday after reading what her boyf did to her. Birthdays is something a lot of people look forward to and since she were feeling down, why not cheer her up a little. But the boy told me it wouldn’t be a good idea because few months ago someone told him that this someone else that she has yet to get over that someone someone.

If you’re telling me that’s the past? So be it. I don’t understand how one can criticize that someone who was part of their life even for a short period of time. What’s the point? Is it because one wants to get back to the x for dumping him/her? Because he/she jokingly called his girlfriend/boyfriend at that point err.. Heavy? Or is it because the x used a stupid excuse such as it wont work because of religion/family drama that will happen in the future?

Oh and one more thing, perhaps she forgot that they were once together and if she is trying to criticizing the current girlfriend’s taste, she’s no better. Thing is, we see different things in the same guy. I respect yours, you respect mine. Simple? Color is not everything. It’s the heart that counts. Look at your property.. Again, no better right?

And someone once said I’m trying too hard to be a bitch. Bitching is just not my forte. Well, the bitchiest person (YES BENJI, YOU.) I’ve known once told me. I’d never master it because I still have my conscience. It’s just not in my nature to do so.

I often ask myself, what’s with all these blog wars with x-girlfriends or even those whom are just unhappy with your entries. I thought it’s a ONLINE diary so one should respect the contents just like those you have with the key and lock when you were younger but no. I guess these people are just too ignorant about how others would feel.

I wanted to write a longer post for the previous entry but rushing through school and house work… it didn’t give me the chance to.

I stumbled upon a blog that kept on going on and on about how much shit I did. Let me correct myself there. The shit someone got me into, turning it around as if it’s my fault and then leaving like it never happened.

Yes I called you a kid perhaps even made you cry. I caused a whole lot of trouble and too bad for you, you took it too had. I use to feel bad about it but now, it doesn’t affect me in any way. I am sure he’s still feeling the guilt.

If you ask me, how do I know? Well, else why would he ask my sister how am I doing and if I already have a boyfriend? Hmm …You can say it’s out of pity/concern or just trying to be nice. I don’t need all those. Again, why did he leave? Lying about everything and then disappearing. Whoah, David Copperfield is it? I doubt so.

I have kept it for months, wanting to put everything behind me but some people just chose to bring it up again, and again. I want to save their asses from embarrassment but I guess they don’t need my help.

I’ll just lay everything here so everyone will know because I think they should. I have nothing to hide.

Anyway, how does it feel what you go to someone’s home and not speak to anyone else except your love? How do you actually go to parties and not answer questions from people? How can you not feel cheated after getting to know the truth?

You’re damn goodlah! And Yes, I am curious.

Also, about being a phidophile because you and I know what I’m talking about.

Bringing up the past won’t bring you anywhere. Anyone in the right mind would think like how I did. About whatever that happened or did not happened to you.. yes, I’m pointing to your beloved. He started it, I was trying to console myself and you just have to rub it in. THANKS =)

So people, read

http://without-aclosure.blogspot.com

EVERYTHING is there.

So is it still my fault?

And I know you did get hold of it. Not surprised. I guess you got so affected by it that you just had to find out the truth right?

How about saying if you’d ask me to jump, I’d ask how high? Whoa, that was the limit man. Are you even human?

I’m stronger and happier. Picking myself up taught me a lot about myself, all thanks to you. . Cover up your lies, it won’t go anywhere. Tell me you’ve changed for the better.. you’re the one who said “i guess a tiger will never lose itz stripes.. a leopard will never lose itz spot..”

Yeah screw me, screw you.

I'm thinking of leaving blogger. Again.
Too much sins.
Too much hypocrites.

To the boy, I’ve gotten over him. No doubt about that. God showed me His powers right under my nose and I know I have someone much much better in my life right now. He may buy materials but what is that compared to sincerity.

2007-10-12T04:01:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, I was this girl who afraid of hurting people. No, not because people would judge me but it's just my nature to brush negative issues aside, not hold anything against anyone and I rather play safe.

I try to put everything behind me. I wanted to wish this someone Happy Birthday this coming Syawal.. but noooooo.. someone just had to spoil it.

I stopped myself several times from blogging about the truth knowing how people would turn everything around like as if it my MY FAULT when I've got my facts right.

I've been saving this the next entry for MONTHS.. really.

and I thought it was worth the ass saved. I still think it is but.. I guess its time people know the truth. Yes, I'm over it. I've closed that chapter but some, just refuse to work with me.

Like what a friend once said in her blog, it's online and ANYONE can have excess to it. If you don't like or rather couldn't respect my thoughts, emotions and whatever that have been happening in my life.. then why bother reading? You don't mind carrying my heavy load of sins uh?

I thought I could use this Ramadhan.. to love myself more, and put everything and I mean everything behind me but some people just don't get it.

Yes, I'll explain and prove my innocence. Oh, if one knows he/she is not in the wrong, why dig deeper to find out the truth or rather make it surface over and over. I wonder..

Hey, no names mentioned right?

2007-10-11T15:25:00.000+08:00

At times like this, I wished that I own a car and of course, am able to drive. Damn the procrastinating for the last 2 years or so. Else, things would be a lot whole easier. Yes, I blame no one but myself because of the lack of confidence and the inability to gauge parking spaces. Oh, plus the tremor of driving up and down a slope a year back.. I thought getting someone to drive me around would be a much better idea.

Familiar? I bet.

Well, the usuals won't be there for you 24-7. right?

After meeting Amelia and Angel during their lunch break, we were discussing about our BTTs and yes, I have decided to go down to the damn driving centre after Hari Raya to book my date. No more postponing it to a later date.

Mom just called asking me if I could help go down to Uncle Aris's River Valley Nasi
Padang shop to collect our Rendang for Saturday. She told me it's located near Great World City. Again, where in the world is that?

I've a test in 45 mins, perhaps rush down to get the Rendang.. then back to Tampines for tuition till 10.30pm. I hope I can make it on time else, I'd have to stay longer with the kids. Not that I don't enjoy teaching them, I do actually.. because they're smart kids. Full marks (with stars) and completed homework of revision worksheets put smiles on everyones faces. Mine, the kids, their dad. The ability to achieve those only meant that they actually understood what that have been taught. *yeay!*

Yes, in a way.. I am still afraid of their results.. I hope they'll apply whatever that have been taught and cut down on the careless mistakes.

The day before today was no better. My day started at 9.30am.. rushed for a meeting from 11am to 3.30pm. Headed down to Geylang to collect the clothes and food for break-fast. Took a cab home, rushed for tuition. Doze off at 4am.. and woke up at 8.10am this morning. Thanks Nashy for the ride :)

Cousin, WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG BABE?? Welcome to the club. Go out, mingle.. have fun. We're not getting any younger. Just know you're limits, remember God and I am sure you'd be living the life. Insya-Allah. ZOUKOUT PERHAPS? Haha.

My shoulder hurts.
School's a drag.
I can't wait for Din's homemade chocolates.

Eve of Hari Raya Eve.. Ramadhan came not too long ago and is already leaving. A little bit too fast don't you think?

*// If I'm ever accused of falling in love with you, then I am guilty <3

2007-10-08T21:34:00.000+08:00

I think if I lay still on the bed for the next 10 minutes, I WILL fall asleep.

Yes, I am that tired but still, some people just refuse to co-operate to make things better for everyone.

No, I am not complaining because I know of my responsibilities and if I don't do it, who will?

I spent the weekend cleaning MY ROOM.

Saturdays' plan was to wake up at 10am, head down to IKEA to get boxes then start clearing by 2pm. You should all know that chances of that happening is very slim. I woke up at 1.30pm, met the rest at 2.30pm and reached home just in-time for break-fast with the family (Yes, dad didn't have to go back to work the whole (weekend). Dad wanted all of us to head down to Geylang since it's the last week of Ramadhan to get Kak Yati (my one and only maid) and her daughters' baju kurung since her aunt is going back to Indonesia on this Wednesday.

** I met an old friend at IKEA and we had a short chat on MSN later that night. He said he had to turn to give me a 2nd look to confirm if its me or not because of the drastic change. HAHA. Change for the better is good right?

My friends had plans to go to Geylang too and so, I told dad that I would be joining the family when I'm done walking around with them. My brother tagged along with me and I'm glad he had fun. The skin didn't break like how it usually would due to the head and perspiration. I guess the condition is getting better.

** Zeina, nice to see you again!! :)

When everyone's done shopping, I called dad to ask about his whereabouts.

Wawa : Ayah, where you?
Dad : You meet me at Pasar Geylang. You just walk, can see me there
Wawa : err..where is that?
Dad : Pasar Geylang tak tahu? ( Don't know Pasar geylang? )
Wawa : Where is that?
Dad : Kalau tak tahu, pergi terjun. ( if you don't know, go and jump )
Wawa : Ok.. Ok.. I go and find.

I seriously forgot about the existence of that place. I had to rely on my younger brother who claimed that he knew where we were heading. I was praying that we would meet someone I know and speak of the devil, we bumped into my a one and immediately ask for directions. I did feel like a lost child. See, I told you I have no sense of direction. HAHA

Headed down to Simpang for supper till 2am. We had a lot to talk about and I appreciate the weekly or rather once every 2 weeks gathering we have. Else, I wouldn't be meeting both my parents together till the following weekend because they're busy with work.

Got home and start cleaning my room till 9.30am, Sunday morning. Woke up in-time for ngaji. Thank God my cousins came else, I'd have to move the TV and everything else all by myself and it's not an easy task. 2nd trip to IKEA that very night because I wanted to get new window blinds. Spent $100 over the weekend unnecessarily. Actually, if it wasn't for the festive occasion coming, I would still have a lot of junk in my room.

Cleaned till 4am and it's still not fully done. Blinds not up, not all books are in the boxes bought, clothes not hanged/folded but I did wash all my teddy bears. Say goodbye to DUSTS!

I was bathing this morning and discovered a deep cut on the second finger of my right hand.

Today's class was a drag. I came in late.. a lot later than the usual. I couldn't keep my eyes opened. The class was very cold, lucky thing I brought along a shawl. I slept in class, watched a bit of . UT after school was something we all didn't look forward to, I'm sure about that.

I was looking forward to get some rest at home when I got home at 6pm but shit happens. I hate problems and having to go through or feel the frustrations. Mom was on MC and so I didn't have to buy or cook food for break-fast but because of some selfish people.. things didn't turn out the way it should be.

If you're reading this, please be a little bit more responsible. You're no longer the baby of the family. Quit playing games and grow up. I know you can do better. Make decisions using the head, not the heart. Take advantage of this Ramadhan to reflect back on you past mistakes and pray to God he'd guide you to be a better person.

I am tired of everything and it's sad to come home knowing arguments will start no matter how one tries to control themselves. School itself is tiring and coming home to see a mess makes one feel sad. Please do your part. Stop arguing and start helping around a little.

I don't want you to make mistakes like those I did. Will doing all negative actions solve you problems? Will rebelling show you true identity? Sweety, trust and freedom is something you earn. Not a privilege you get just because you're of that certain age.

Love,
Your siblings.

I am very tired of this everything.
I hope you wake up from the world you're living. Life isn't a fantasy.. yes you can keep on dreaming but when reality strikes, I don't want you to hate yourself for not realizing how harsh the world is.

// Just a little getting close, just a little more affection..Cause I don't think it's a sin..Skin on skin

2007-10-06T17:58:00.001+08:00

I just got home from IKEA with the boys.

Goodness.. they had to touch and test EVERYTHING. From the sofas to the beds.. even the boxes and stuff animals.

It was like they're getting in-touch with the fatherly side .. to see what's suitable for the homes. heh.

Before I forget.
I saw Fiona Xie for the Hey Gorgeous thingi and decided to check her out. The next thing I did was to SMS Precious, telling him her boobs are actually real! LOL.

*// I wonder when can I see the 'THAT' side of you :)

2007-10-05T09:26:00.000+08:00

When you have a 'cuckoo' in your team (the boy said RP has to many of them) whose a little bit 'laggy' and laughs at everything..

When you have an efficient group who does work and everyone is at their own comfort level and has no problems communication, unlike some classes I've been in..

When you look forward to class because it's a Friday and the week will end in 6 hours from now..

Your facilitator comes up to you asked if you have finished the group discussion. When given a positive answer, he doubted the group and said it is okay to take relevant points from other classes. How would you feel when your group did everything on your own but was given the impression as if the group is not capable of doing so.

KANASAI!

I need sleep -___-

*// it's funny how some people peek to the other corner of the level just to catch a glimpse if her love is standing right there with his friends.

2007-10-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

It's been too long..yes. This babe and me been through the roller coaster ride of friendship but I'm glad how things turn out in the end. Yes, I still love you.

See my cheeks!! Mygoodness.

My day starts at 6.45am where I'll get ready for school and will only end at 1-2am..
Now I understand what my working friends mean when they say they ALWAYS look forward to the weekends because now.. I NEED a good more-than-12-hours rest.

I want ..Pillow fights and melting chocolates, walks in the park and Retail therapy! Tight hugs, star gazing, slow dancing.. It would be beautiful with the PERFECT settings :)

*// and I bet you'll look hotter with the new haircut :)

2007-10-03T02:01:00.001+08:00

Main Entry: at·ten·tion
Pronunciation: &-'ten(t)-sh&n; sense 4 often (&-)"ten(ch)-'h&t
Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English attencioun, from Latin attention-, attentio, from attendere

1 a : the act or state of attending especially through applying the mind to an object of sense or thought b : a condition of readiness for such attention involving especially a selective narrowing or focusing of consciousness and receptivity

2 : OBSERVATION, NOTICE; especially : consideration with a view to action (a problem requiring prompt attention)

3 a : an act of civility or courtesy especially in courtship (she welcomed his attentions) b : sympathetic consideration of the needs and wants of others : ATTENTIVENESS

4 : a position assumed by a soldier with heels together, body erect, arms at the sides, and eyes to the front -- often used as a command
- at·ten·tion·al /-'ten(t)-sh(&-)n&l/ adjective

2007-10-02T00:14:00.000+08:00

Below have been happening to me a little bit too often. That's why I decided to turn her.. because she has taught me, and made me realize a lot of things about life. Having fun is not everything.. I want to best of both worlds and I am trying my best to achieve it. Insya-Allah

I have been difficulty falling asleep. When I close my eyes, I get all scared. Afraid that I might never wake up again. Afraid of dying while I'm asleep. I guess it is a good thing because you don't suffer that much. Wait, I am right about that right?

hmm..

Tuition today was good. The kids understood whatever that was taught and I'm glad I have supportive people around me. I bet Asri would laugh if he ever gets to know about this because he once labeled me as one of the laziest person he have ever come across. HAH!

*// Holding on tight to .. this thing called REALITY.

2007-10-01T04:39:00.000+08:00

I've reached 2001 words for my PP. I'm left with its conclusion and synopsis. I think I'll continue during 1st break later.

I was bloghopping earlier and came across this

"Man are born with ego but to see ladies with an ego, That's quite a big deal.."

Really meh?
So we don't have the right to show the egoistic side of us eh?

Anyway Lady Rain is playing on Class95.
Oh, the memories. HAH!

Lady Rain,I heart you at my window
Lady Rain,I need you softly falling on my face
Why did the sunshine come and take you away?
I'd wait for you again ,my Lady Rain.....

I hear the sound of her breathing in the darkness
And autumn rain can turn to snow in the night
I'll be sleeping this September,but I'll leave the fire light
Just in case you feel like coming 'round again

*// Honey, its still summer right?

2007-09-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

I never fancied breaking-fast with friends outside because it seems like a hassle. Having to think of a place to eat, the waiting for food and drinks.. I rather cook a nice meal for the family, cleaning after everyone is done. Today, I decided to break the tradition by going for Iftar with my friends.

I got the chance to ngaji first today (usually I'm the last one) and today she passed me! Then rushed down to Nokia service centre to send my sister's because its LCD went crazy. I'm tired of using my 7360 (though it has so much memories to begin with)..so HELLO N6288.

I never found the need to get expensive or the latest phone in the market because I don't like complications. I like simple things. Easy to use.. so if one day it dies on me, I won't freak out like those who claim that they can't live without their phone.

Waited for an hour to be served, rushed to meet my friends then off to Kembangan. 2 birthday boys, 1 cake, 16 friends, filled with laughter.. iftar was fun! Walked around the bazaar in Geylang, met Zeina again (take care babe!)..

my SUNDAY :)

I have a habit of asking questions that at times, people find it amusing. For example, earlier when Sri was buying her burger.. this minah came up to the stall and asked for 1 burger daging and 1 burger kambing. I took at Sri, she looked back at me.
BURGER KAMBING? Got meh??

Another was when I asked mom last night..

If we get married, we will wear a ring right? But what is the guy has 2 wives.. he will have to wear 2 rings eh?

She told me that in our religion, there isn't a need to wear a ring. What's important is the mas kawin (I have no idea what it is in English). It is the influence of Christianity's culture that we are following.

Is it true? hmm..

Husband to be, I still get my 1 carat diamond right as a present for my wedding right? HAHA.

Another..

I was walking pass this group of men (they look like they're in their late 20s) and overheard them mentioning about the ladies in tudung (head gear) wearing tight fitting tops and pants, thick make-up, smoking.. blabla

Well, I am no better because I am not wearing it when I actually should. Somehow I did ponder about it.. What's the point of wearing it then? No, I am not criticizing these ladies in tudung who act that way. It is just a question. To each his own you might say.. but why? Is it because you're being forced? At times, I thought.. Ok maybe they're just like me but the only difference is that they are wearing the head gear. but why? hmm..

I have a feeling that I will receive hate-tags after this post is published. nyehnyeh.

I have to start doing my PP now.

I am feeling a little bit guilty about having 1/4 tub of Swensens ice-cream last night. See, looking good isn't only about physical. It's about feeling good too. No, I am not skipping meals (like how some people are so worried about). It's just that I'm happy this way. Having to lose weight is like a sense of achievement. To pursue a Singapore girl's dream..

Ok Farah, knock it out.

2007-09-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

PMS.. sucks big time.

Emotional.. hell yeah.

From missing Precious..
To thinking about my future.
Suddenly I don't give a shit about my weight..
then missing my grandma whose so near yet so far.

SIGH.

I want to meet her this Raya.. I really do.
I want to meet them, TOGETHER this Raya..

God, can you help me?
I'm not the only one who wants this to happen. I know how badly my siblings want it too. How do I know? Because at times, they'll come up to me randomly and say how much they miss my grandparents and we somehow know we cannot or rather nor bring this topic up to our parents.

During break-fast, one of my sisters told me that my grandpa came today. He bought for us chicken and mutton (for his daughter-in-law) Briyani, Charkuey and even made sambal kacang for us. Sweet right? Gosh, I love that old man. It's a pity his visits to my place always clash with my school timetable. I will go over and say I am truly sorry and kiss him..

Double sigh.

Sis got the chance to meet grandpa since she ends school way earlier than any of us. She told me and the others an incident that made us all .. come to an awkward silence. The conversation goes something like..

3rd sis : Ehh, you know what I saw justnow from Bak's (grandpa's) wallet?
me : what?
3rd sis : He took something out and Mak's (grandma's) picture fall out. Then I asked if I can have it. He said no.

*Silence*

Yes, we miss them. I miss Ramadhan.. like how it use to be. The good food. The laughter. The kisses. The pictures we took. The kissing of their hands.. the only 2 elder I love and respect a whole lot.

Triple sigh.

Please take care of them.
We don't know how much time they have left on this earth.
Let us see them together.. if not, just let us meet them individually.
Please God.. Please.

*//Everyday i wake and look over hoping to see your face but all i see is the empty space. Mak, we all miss you. Bak, we all love you.

2007-09-26T15:44:00.001+08:00

And I thought Ramadhan is a beautiful month, to forgive and forget.. and perhaps start afresh. I know for a fact that I am taking advantage of this opportunity that is given to me.

Right Dan?

I guess some people don't realize it and will not until something major happen in their life. Perhaps a loss, then it will open their eyes to understand how fragile life really is. You do know you can lost everything within a split second right? I don't understand how some people would purposely want to add more sins to the already heavy load they're shouldering. Or MAYBE they feel a sense of achievement when theymake others feel small. To bring out the flaws of others but not theirs.

I mentioned to a friend once when she somehow complained about her dark complexion. I told her.. "You're dark and pretty. Imagine yourself fair.. you'll be even prettier. Now, imagine someone fair .. actually have dark skin. Not so pretty after all right?"

Be happy with what God has given you. One may be fair-skin, but he/she has skin problems or even a chipped teeth. Bad breathe? or even stupid. God is fair.

No one is perfect.
Why would you want to discriminate others? Have you look into the mirror and point out YOUR OWN FLAWS? For all you know, you would not even accept or learn to accept it and start asking questions why are you like that.

One can say he/she has a lot of friends, perfect skin.. being almost perfect. All these don't matter because you don't have a good heart because if you do, you wouldn't have done whatever you did, as mentioned above. It's not how many hearts you hurt but the good things you do that will help when you die one day.

You live once, get yourself together, stop the hatred and grow up. You'll learn a lot of things along the way and will appreciate life better. Trust me.

What goes around, comes around. I bet you've heard that a million times.
Think about it.

Bless you.

2007-09-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

Please make me stronger. I cannot afford to fall sick, not now. I have a lot of paper work pending. I am sorry for everything, be it the big or small sins that I've done. Bless me with good health and guide me throughout this journey called life. I will make the best out of this beautiful month.

Amin.

coughs, running nose, aching body.. and it's only the 2nd week of school. SIGH.

*//Everytime I see you, it's like a little reminder of how beautiful life can be.

2007-09-24T09:59:00.000+08:00

I wonder how it feels to not fast during the month of Ramadhan when you don't have an excuse not to.

A few days ago, someone asked me if I am fasting and I gave HIM a direct YES because I still can. When I asked why, he replied me with..

:-obstinate- says (6:31 PM):
im faztin 4 d first time 2dae..4 diz puase month..haha
sparkling gem. you Schoolwork. says (6:32 PM):
how come
-obstinate- says (6:32 PM):
haha..well i dunoe..i jz feel like faztin 2dae..

Sad isn't it?

We got home at 1am on Saturday night and I decided to go to bed an hour later. During break-fast on Sunday, I asked mom why didn't she wake me up for Sahur because at 7am, I woke up feeling thirsty. Since the sun was already up, I couldn't do anything about it and continued my sleep till 3pm. She told me SHE DID WAKE ME UP and I DID WAKE UP to drink my Milo.

Weird. I don't remember doing so.

I asked Dad this morning, and my sisters.. everyone said yes.

It reminded me of the time when I answered calls but wouldn't remember doing so. What more talking to someone else. weird.

I've not slept since I woke up at 3pm Sunday afternoon. I'm tired and Business Process Modelling lesson boring. BUT, because he looks hot and smell extra good today and I got to walk with him all the way to the first level.. it made the trip to school worth it :)

2007-09-23T23:41:00.000+08:00

This goes out SPECIALLY FOR HER :)

1. The person who tagged you is:
* BALQIS!

2. Your relationship with her:
* An online friend who added me to tell me about the x-boyfriend flirting with her while we were still together. (She wasn't the only one who added me) :)

3. 5 Impressions you have of her:
Sweeeeeeet! fun to talk to, open, smart, open.

4. Most memorable thing she has done for you:
* Be there for me during the whole break-up period.

5. Most memorable words she said to you:
* I think it was something like.. I definitely deserve someone much much better than him.

6. If she becomes your lover, you will:
* Again, declare that I'm lesbian. HAHA

7. If she becomes your lover, things she has to improved on will be:
* Don't always get angry can? Your post sometimes makes me scared.

8. If she becomes your enemy, you will:
* try to makes things better because though we're not close, she's special.

9. If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
* She just hates how weak I can be at times. err.. right babe? LOL

10. The most desirable thing you want to do for her now is:
* make a date with me after the fasting month!!

11. Your overall impression of her is:
* sweeeeeeeeeetttt :)

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you:
* Sri calls me irritating and Mrs Magoo. I know of friends who come to me to share their problems and ask for advice. I think overall, I'm a boring person.

13. The characteristic you love about yourself is:
* Strong mentally. Being able to carry myself and also, pick myself up after everything that has happened.

14. The characteristic you hate about yourself is:
* Lazy.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
* Someone who has a heart yet putting herself first before others in the different situation she'll go through.

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
* Thank you for being there for me, for the encouragement, advices and love.

I’m gonna go on random.
1. BALQIS! (Since it's from YOU)
2. Wayne
3. Nazurah
4. Raudhah
5. Syasya
6. Mareyanti
7. Izzat Hidayat!
8. Juita
9. Nazira (yes, YOU love!)
10. Luqman

Who is no 6 having relationship with:
* Sholihin, 7 years and counting. Alhamdulilah :)

Is no.9 male/female:
* a pretty lady :)

If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing:
* I pronounce the two of you.. GAY

When you last chat with no 3.:
* A few days ago asking for Law notes for my lessons.

What kind of music that no 8 likes:
* I assume she doesn't really have a favourite, but i know she LOVES to read.

Does no.1 have any siblings:
* Yes, 1 younger sister and 1 younger brother.

Will you woo no 3:
* She's my cousin.

How bout no 7:
* haha.. and Miel would kill me the day she finds that out. He's my bestfriend.

Is no 4 single:
* Nope.

What's the surname of no 5:
* Md. Sani

What's the hobby of no 4:
* spending time with her boyfriend.. HOHO!

Do no 5 and 9 get along:
* They don't know each other.

Where is no 2 studying at:
* MY school.

Say something casual about no 1:
* She made me do this! HAHA.

Have you tried developing feelings for no 8:
* No, she's HOT though.

Where does no 9 lives:
* Jurong!

What color does no 4 like:
* earth colors?

Are no 5 and 1 best friends:
* I doubt they know each other.

Does no 7 like 2:
* I hope they can get along if they ever meet.

How did you get to know no 2:
* Accounting Class, year 2 semester 2.

Does no 1 have any pets:
* Not that I know of..

Is no 7 the sexiest person in the world:
* HELL YEAAHHH.. especially when he tries to irritate others.

DONE!

2007-09-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

I never ask for much, never will I dare to
because everything seems so vague.
and at times, I too am afraid of the future
Though thinking of the past definitely tells me I am now stronger.

I try to do things on my own
Knowing friends wont be there for me every single day
and because of this I try to push myself so that I won't fail.
To make sure I don't disappoint myself, once and again.

At times, I feel like have no one to turn to
That's when I pick up the phone, sending you a message because I miss you.

Look into my eyes and hear me speak
Tell me whether I'm telling the truth and whispering sweet nothings
Read my words, hear me take my every breathe
Yes, they come straight from the heart and no where else.

This is how I feel deep inside
Though I don't really trust anyone anymore
Sometime I am amazed for how I feel
And to what I've become today and my tomorrows

So tell me what's the price
I shall keep it in mind,
Every time the phone ring I'm jump for joy
because you're the one whom I expect to be at the end of the line
because we've been too busy.
because we have set our priorities
because I have to bear in mind my responsibilities

because you're my everything.

Love,
me.

2007-09-23T02:17:00.000+08:00

I didn't actually thought anyone could drag me down to Geylang.. my parents did.

The trip wasn't a waste since I got to buy a cotton dress and printed top at a very low price. I got to choose the cushion and pillow cases for this Raya. Also, I got to meet those whom I've not met for so long..

Zainah, it was REALLY REALLY nice to see you. *huGs*
Syasya, finally I met your mom. Hope you enjoy your new class.
Ida.. still as busy as ever. Nice bumping into you and your family.

Others like.. the neighbour, my x-manager, Haikal.. and a few more :)

I fell in love with this 3 in a set painting that cost $250 bucks. Simple yet pretty.

I've been having cramps for the past 2 days. There goes the thought of having a complete Ramadhan like the few years before.

*//Somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights, and all our jokes I think..

2007-09-19T21:47:00.001+08:00

We were in the midst of breaking-fast when my brother said he'll be going for prayers with his friends.

3rd sister started singing a tune from Amy Whitehouse Rehab's "I said no, no, no", thinking that dad would not let him go because he's only 10 and somehow we're all not
ready to let him go. I told him to take a shower, then wear something nice WITHOUT his body spray.

He came out of the room, and I heard 2nd sister saying "You nak gi sembahyang ke nak gi dating?"

He went into mom's room. Followed by 2nd sister. Before she could snap a picture of him, I came in then followed by my 3rd sister.

The first and only snap :)
(and I thought I had shaky hands and can never take perfect pictures)

Berkat Ramadhan
Though they make me angry with their crazy and irritating behavior, I wouldn't trade them with anything else in this world. I'm glad we're closer than before. Now, that's called love.

When was the last time YOU spent quality time with your family? I just did.*smiles*

2007-09-19T03:17:00.000+08:00

"But suddenly, I can't get hold of him.. he just cuts me off. Cold. Fucker."

"Actions have consequences. You can't just forget people. Bury them and pretend they never existed? It always comes back to haunt you."

- words from the movie Perfect Strangers.

I just LOVE those words.

2007-09-19T01:46:00.001+08:00

I am tired, really.

I just finished cleaning the sink, and have yet to take my (after)midnight shower.
I've to be in school tomorrow at 12.30pm for my first FYP 2 meeting.

Class was SUPER DRAGGY.
To think that we finished class at 4pm.. the latest since 2-3 semesters ago.

Guess what do I have in my external HDD.
PRISON BREAK SEASON 3 EPISODE 1.

I don't care if you people have watched it.
what's important is .. PRISON BREAK ROCKS.
I want Prison break marathon AGAIN!

So much for Tuesday is Crime Night on Channel 5.. I still prefer Scofield.

I have NO IDEA how to answer my RJ for today. Gosh.

Question : Your friend ask you for advice because he/she intend to invest in a web-design services company. What are the financial and non-financial analysis you can offer as a financial consultant.? Explain.

DIE.

*// I don't believe in promises and forever.. but I'll never do such a thing.

2007-09-18T10:15:00.000+08:00

First day of the last semester wasn't so bad. I had Precious on my left, Syimah on my right.. work load wasn't that heavy, no group presentations.. yes, somehow I'm glad its FRANK NG :)

Due to the change in sleeping habits, I couldn't get to bed till 4am. Started my Monday at 5am when dad woke me up for sahur. Left home at 7.10am which is way earlier than the norm. Reached class just in time, before 8.45am that is.

Monday was so rushy and tiring that I fall asleep while doing my Reflection Journal. From going back to Tampines to preparing for break-fast to cleaning. At 2am, I was so tired, I didn't even bother turning off the television while/after watching Desperate Housewives.

This morning, nothing got better. It seems like I have trouble sleeping well for the past 2 nights. I'd wake up every hour, causing me to be a zombie when I wake up in the morning. For instance this morning, I didn't realize my MP4 died on me until I reached Woodlands.

The point of this entry is that..

IF THIS CONTINUE, I THINK I CAN DIE OF EXHAUSTION. I am soooo gonna appreciate weekends from now on. I miss the holidays :(

I received an e-mail this morning and it totally woke me up.
*reality check*

Are you a Muslim?
By Sister Hoda Elkassem

You say you are a Muslim,
when people ask to what faith do you belong,

You refuse to eat pork when offered,
for you know it is truly wrong.

In your younger years,
some of you weren't even taught the Fateha,
while others had parents who would make you pray everyday,

Yet now, it seems as though very few of you are willing to make time for even one prayer a week,
let alone five times a day.

But none of you have time right?
After all you only have 24 hours in a single day,
And it's definitely too much to ask to take 5 minutes out of that time to worship ALLAH & pray.

You also never seem to have time to read the Holy Al-Qur`an, not even before you go to bed,
And very seldom do you, in your private time, recite Surahs in your head.

Each year though, when Ramadan comes,
you go from sunrise to sunset with not a single meal,
And you brag to your non-Muslim friends of how loving you are;
for you tell them you are doing this to see how the poor feel.

You tell them that fasting gives you patience & teaches you to appreciate,
Your friends then become amazed by how religious you are, & think you are so kind & great.

But Ramadan finishes & then comes the Eid,
Which always seems to be followed by bursts of awful greed.

For even though you try to hide it, & desperately try not to show,
You are hoping you get gifts from every single person that you know.

You seem to forget about Zakat,& giving & all the beautiful lessons of Ramadan,

And somehow everything you had learned during that past sacred month,

within a day is simply gone.

Then for the next 11 months you return to your old ways,
Where you remind yourself of ALLAH's Greatness perhaps once every few days.

And at times you even forget about ALLAH completely,
and all the good that HE has Done,

Yet you still seem to refer to yourself as a Muslim when asked by anyone.

So what your name is Noormah, Zaiton, Aishah, Joe, Mohamad, Ismail or Zul,
That doesn't mean you are a true Muslim, since you are not doing all that you can.

You know all the religions of this world are different;
you know we are not all the same,

So you must stop acting like everyone else in this world,
& stop being a Muslim only by name.

To be a Muslim, you must always long to be better,
by seeking knowledge & wanting to learn,

You must do, & not just say; for being a Muslim is a title you must strive to earn.

Stop saying that you are a Muslim, & start acting like one instead,

Otherwise you'll regret it dearly on the Day of Judgment,
when you are brought back from the dead.

For we all know, in order to one day go to Heaven, we must successfully pass ALLAH's test,

So why would you intentionally try & fail, knowing that if you are good
now your outcome will be in fact the best?

For that reason, if you start now & do all the things that ALLAH Asks us to do,
The next time someone asks you what you are, you can say 'A Muslim'
& your statement will be true."

Subhanallah!
I am still learning...

2007-09-17T14:23:00.000+08:00

I believe that true love is when you fall for the same person over and over again.

DEFINATELY, I am feeling it now.
I feel like a child whose Dad brought her to the theme park.

It's the smile, sweet scent and the body..I swear it is :)

*//This time was different..it made me fly though I know I wasn't high.

2007-09-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

Thank you Din for the donuts! My first Dunkin Donut experience.
Thank you Khalid for the seymia.
Thank you Park and Zul for the char kuey and burger.

Gosh.

It's only the 4th day of the fasting month and I think I've consumed more food than I do on normal days for the week. Truthfully, I am afraid of the weight I'll be putting on from all the eating. Plus the food during the Raya celebration..

Then again, I blame menses. I think it's on the way :)

School starts tomorrow and I am excited.
I spent the whole month at home, waking up late in the evening.. which is NOT healthy. The only good thing is that I've lost weight! That's what my cousins who come over every weekend of ngaji said. hah.

I'll be in the same class as..

Syimah and Precious on Monday.
Dicksonand lala on Tuesday.
JUITA DARLING! on Thursday.

Friday.. I'm not that close to the familiar faces, doesn't matter.

My last semester in RP and I am NOT going to let myself down, again.

2007-09-15T16:58:00.000+08:00

In the midst of trying to complete my 'minimum 2000 words' essay, I decided to take a break and went blog-hopping. I saw a familiar (and unique) name. Strolled down, read a little bit more and guess who I found.. my primary 4 teacher whom I have been looking for since I left primary school 7 years ago. Somehow she left an impact on me, to be a better person and to study harder after the results I produced with her being my form teacher for a year.

The last time I saw her was in 2000. My friends and I decided to go back to our ‘primary school’ on Teacher’s day to make a last visit before it officially closes Idown. We went over to Whitesands Primary school to visit her but lost contact soon after.

Mdm Tanzeela, I am so glad to have found your blog. You were one of the best teachers that I’ve ever met. From a playful student, you’ve helped me push myself and looking back at everything that has happened, I thank you for the guidance and attention.

Oh by the way, Min Xin Primary school is closed. How sad. I remember the days whereby I’d get into trouble so often that having to stand outside the principle’s office seem like an everyday thing. At that point, my parents somehow gave up on me. Being part of the prefectorial board with the thinking, perhaps that might change me but then I taok advantage of it. Having my fringe cut personally by the principle because I refuse to clip it up. Rugby trainings that helped me fill my book shelves with medals and cups. Floorball training that made me make new friends in competitions and a whole lot more.

I had fun!

Mom will always mention again and again that she should have sent me to a girl’s school instead of one like Min Xin Primary. LOL. Then again, I am happy with what I've become now.

Perhaps tomorrow, a longer entry.

*//You must sometimes let go of a part of your heart that you love to make room for a part you need.

2007-09-12T20:39:00.000+08:00

Ramadhan is here again and Alhamdulilah, God has given me the chance to experience this beautiful month again.

For Muslims throughout the world, Ramadhan is a special month of the year. During the month of Ramadhan, Muslims fast from dawn to sunset every day. Ramadhan was the month in which the first verses of the holy Quran were revealed to Prophet Mohammad (PBUH). It is a time for inner reflection, devotion to God and self-control.

Happy Fasting to all practicing Muslims :)

2007-09-07T22:49:00.000+08:00

Grandfather came over this morning and told me his age.

79.
My goodness.
and the fact that he always makes himself available and transparent when we ask about the family history. Ok, we didn't ask .. he was the one who would give us a storytelling session. FOC, anytime.

Where else can you get a grandfather like that.. like mine :)

With his cool shades, carrying an umbrella wherever he go and being able to go down to Tampines, Geylang and even Bedok on his own.. I say YOU ROCKLAH BAK!

Alhamdulilah, he’s still healthy and strong. Not as healthy as before but good enough.

tagged by Raudhah darling :)

1. The person who tagged you is: Raudhah

2. Your relationship with him/her is: MY darling cousin

3. 5 impressions you have of him/her: SMART, sweet, a good daughter, mature and independent. haha.

4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you): Giving me advice and being there for me whenever I need someone to talk to.

5. The most memorable words he/she has said to you:I don't remember exactly but it's something about moving on and making the right choice

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will: Declare that I'm a bisexual? HAHA. (I'm not ok!!)

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be: hmm.. Open yourself up more because we need to catch up babe, big time.

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will: Cry my eyes out and try to make thing better because I love her a whole lot.

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be: I don't want to put my ego and stubbornness aside

10. The most desirable thing you want to do for him/her now is: Plan so the we can hangout with Nazurah

11. Your overall impression of him/her is: One of those I can depend on anytime

12. How you think people around you will feel about you: Sri calls me irritating and call me Mrs Magoo. I know of friends who come to me to share their problems and ask for advice. I think overall, I'm a boring person.

13. The characteristic you love about yourself is: Strong mentally. Being able to carry myself and also, pick myself up after everything that has happened.

14. The characteristic you hate about yourself is: Lazy.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is: Someone who has a heart yet putting herself first before others in the different situation she'll go through

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them): Thank you for being there for me, for the encouragement, advices and love.

17. Pass this quiz to 5 people that you wish to know how they feel about you

1. Raudhah (though I read yours)
2. Nazurah (again, here's something to add to your boring blog plus already tagged by Raudhah)
3. Syazwani (SYASYAAAAAAAA)
4. Nunu (because you tagged!)
5. Sri 'irritating' Wahyuni
6. Nazira (I miss youuuuuu.. and you mom's cooking)
7. Luqman (the little brother I never had)

The new haircut

2007-09-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

I'm now making full use of the 3 week break to do things that have been on the pending list since like.. forever.

I met the bestie and her boyfriend who had a knee operation the Friday but was discharge the next day. Saturday evening was spent at her place, catching up on the so many issues that had happened within the period we didn't get to meet or even talk.

Dad fetched me at 9pm, headed down to LauPaSat for Satay and Bandung. Unfortunately, the chicken noodle store me and sis was looking forward to is now closed. How sad. Any recommendations for Wantan and chicken noodle? Not Joo Chiat and Banquet please.

Headed down to Giant but it was already 11.30pm and Giant closes at midnight. Sent Sis Sofia home and the rest went to Mustafa! Where else right? It's been confirmed. I am IN-CHARGE of the kitchen when Ramadhan comes. I will do cooking, cleaning and also stocking up the cupboards and fridge. Now, I will know what and when to buy.

I guess mom was right when she said, "Now you know it's not easy to be a mother".

Why did she say that? I was going round and round Mustafa centre, trying to get junk food and also all the essentials like rice and milk when I realized that I don't know what is actually in my house. I mean, the brand of product me consume, how many to buy for each product and the comparison of price for each from from one shop to another. For once, I was stressed because usually I would take whatever I WANT and put it in the cart. On Saturday, I had to think of not only myself but my family.

Went to my neighbour Dayah's wedding on Sunday. Met many familiar faces, those from Pasir Ris Secondary School. I can't believe that she is married. When I saw the tables and chairs setting up for the event, I was the one who got scared. I was saying things like "Oh my goodness.. she's getting married" and "it's tomorrow!". I am 20 and I am certainly NOT ready for such serious life commitment. I want to do things that I enjoy before settling down and having a family. I don't want to look back one day and say things like I should have a higher qualification, I should have gotten a job so that I would not depend on my husband as much.. that kind of thing.

Enough about weddings and relationship. All those aren't that important right now.

Since I can't mengaji, my friends asked if I would like to join in the fun at Pasir Labar Camp. Army Open House 2007 was interesting. I climbed the hill of which the route is made up of 3000 sandbags. TIRING! But it was all good because I swear a whole lot (I am trying to some more weight) and the view from the top was spectacular. The greenery was such a beauty. No regrets. We climbed tanks and trucks, took pictures and most importantly.. we managed to catch the fireworks though it lasted for 5 minutes. BEAUTIFUL. Pictures will be uploaded into my multiply as soon as I get hold of them.

My Monday.. well, after everything.. I am damn proud of myself. Reformatted my laptop then went to have a haircut. Short, but not short enough. I'm going back to the saloon in 2 weeks to make it shorter. The hairdresser told me to cut it at the current length, get use to it and if I am ready to cut it short, then she shall do it for me. Every few months when I go to her shop, she'll say "I'm waiting for the day you come into my shop and ask me to cut your hair short." Today, I came in.. told her what I wanted and she asked me "are you sure?" THRICE!! haha.

Initally the plan was to chop it to :

But for now, it's :

Since I had a lot of time, went down to FJ Benjamin.. like FINALLY to collect my Guess watch. I had to pay $5.25 for the 1 gem that I lost because I lost its guarantee card.

Met my darling at City Hall, walked to Esplanade for Fondue at Haagen Dasz. It was fun having to just laugh at everything, share the events that have been happening and have a decent conversation. We walked.. and walked and walked and ended up at Fort Canning. Both of us have never been there and when it got dark, it's quite eerie actually.

The day went well. Thank you. Moments like these are of those I treasure more than anything else in the world because if ever shit happens, I know I have beautiful memories to look back at. *HuGS*

Oh, I've made the decision to move BACK to Wordpress perhaps by end of this week. E-mail me for the new link.

*// He asked me what was my favourite, and I said coffee. When I asked him back, he said his favourite was not on a tray. When I asked what it is, he pointed at me. *awwww..*

2007-09-01T11:24:00.000+08:00

I slept at 7am, and am fully awake by 11am.

I've moved my multiply site.

I'm planning to change all passwords in all password-needed site.

I need to do my Professional Profiling, and yes CE points I need more!
My goodness, 1 more semester to finish everything up else I can't graduate.

I'm going over to bestie's place to visit her boyfriend, minor operation.

I'm going for CHICKEN! tonight at East Coast.

I'm going to watch all the movies in my external HDD the whole after but thing is, most of them are horror movies and I am not a big fan.

I'm still contemplating whether or not I should cut my hair short.

I read Lin, Precious classmate's blog and I love the way she blogs. The whole 'SEXY' thing never fail to make me smile. I love the way she confidently pen down her thoughts freely. Way to go babe!

I feel like eating sushi. I was walking towards Hakim's religion class venue when I saw a van with "halal sushi" sticker pasted on its sides. Me being me, asked "What does Halal sushi taste like? Same as Sakae and the ones we always eat eh?" *smacks head*

Mom was telling me my uncle called in the afternoon to tell her a weekend Picanto is going for $200 or so per month. NOT worth it. I rather we go on using NTUC income car-sharing. Pay as you use. I think it's worth it. Unless they decide to buy me that car when I get my license which is going to take forever. I rather someone drive me around, Ok I admit I have no confidence. SOON, I will go down to the driving centre.. SOON! Ok, again I admit I've been saying that for the past 2 years.

I remembered getting scolded in JB while the x-boyfriend was trying to teach me how to drive his MANUAL lancer. I kena scold a lot of times ok while driving a straight road and not to mention, going up and down the slope. Oh the HORROR! Noris girlfriend, if you're reading this.. I'm sure you'll understand how I felt at that point of time. HAHA.

An ex-boyfriend IM-ed me last night and was asking me why did I switch off the on the lights. Asking me to go to the window (when my bed is right beside it), describing my house on how bright and how much it has changed only to know that he is downstairs, in his friend's van. TAPPING ON MY UNSECURED WIRELESS INTERNET ACCESS. WAHLAUU!! I had a feeling he is nearly because from the way he described how chaotic my house is at 2am, would be scary if he said he's lying about being somewhere near.

"I can see you but you can't see me.." No Mike, you don't scare me even a bit. You've known me since I was 13 and I am very sure you know how I respond to this kind of things right?

"CHEEBAILAHHH you think I scared? You can climb up the window if you want to.I don't care. Or rather, trylah if you can" HAHAHA.

I bet he will say "you never change do you. Always wanting to show the strong side".

I am bored. Everyone is still asleep at home, I think.

I'll wash up, drink Milo and then do my PP. Oh, and watch Ratatouille.

I miss Prison Break, marathon but since the HDD crashed on me, I've lost season 1 & 2, plus all my other movies and comedies.

and this entry, totally RANDOM.

*//They say before you die, your whole life flashes before you so make those memories worth seeing the second time around :)

2007-09-01T05:50:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching Simpson, a little bit outdated, I know. NOW then I understand what "Spider Pig" and "I was elected to lead, not to read" is all about. HAHA.

I've been catching up with sleep. Laying on bed only in the wee hours when I'm done with everything and waking up only close to 5pm. I still do the house chores, take care of the kid's whether or not they eat and also make sure the house is clean.

Things have been pretty good at home minus the fact that my parents have been busy with work. I'm going to meet dad later tonight for dinner. Right now, he's outside watching tv.. just got home from work and here I am, too lazy to get out of the room and saving myself from being questioned on why am i still not in bed.

I can't wait to execute the plans we made before fasting month comes. Swimming, roller-blading, bowling.. SENTOSA!! 2 weeks to do all these bebehhh..

Mom said I look like someone who has a disorder because I'm becoming smaller and smaller day by day. Isn't that good? Eating the right kind of food and also in small portions. When people ask, why the drastic lost.. I answered " because I want to look pretty for my boyfriend" *smiles*

slim = pretty ?
Depends actually. It's not only about physical. No point being gorgeous but your attitude suck. It goes down to zero. That's what I think.

If you think I'm not pretty then oklorrrr.. but I know my boyfriend thinks I'm hot. Right honey?

I'm contemplating whether or not I should cut my hair short and re-dye for a fresher look. See, I've never had short hair. Would the new look suit me?

I need new jeans and tops but dad thinks I have enough of them.

I can't wait for school to re-open though it's going to be the 1st week of the fasting month.

I miss hearing John Legend again and again during the 40 minute bus rides to and from school.

Short conversations that I remember for this week :

Brother : You want to get to know my friend's brother?
Me : NO. Is he rich, smart and good looking?
Brother : Don't know *Give me a good slap on my back*
Me : Nahh, I have __________ *smiles*

and I don't trust my brother's taste, not yet.

**

Brother : Kakak, why people don't care about the environment?
Mom : Because everyone is too busy making money.

I have no idea how the topic came up.

**

Me : This top you wear with white pants
mom : Oh, white skinny jeans eh?

*everyone laughs*

2nd sister : please remember you're 4*, no 25.

**

The song Umbrella is officially banned in my house because we caught mom singing " ella ella.. eh.. ehh ". DAMN FUNNY.

**

TIME IS COMING says (6:07 AM): u Malay or Indian
TIME IS COMING says (6:08 AM): when i 1st know u i thought u Filipino's hehehe
sparkling gem. you says (6:08 AM): Filipino?
TIME IS COMING says (6:08 AM): like Filipino malay mix
sparkling gem. you says (6:09 AM): ohh. NOLAH!

Filipino?? nahhh~

**// Give me a reason to stay alive, a reason besides the stars in your eyes

2007-08-29T00:54:00.000+08:00

Let's see it as a time-out because we both don't know what we want at that point of time. We wanted to get out of it before complications arise again.

Perhaps things were a little bit rocky.

But everything is back to how it was. I'm glad we talked. It's good that we now understand how each other feel about the situation. What we went through made us realize how much we value what we have, be it a thing or someone.

but now,

I'll keep you happy, make you feel safe. Just promise you won't hurt me..
not again.

Yes.. he is still in my life.

*//Yeay! we're going for the Fondue..!! love you manymany darling..

2007-08-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
So what am I gonna do, said I've been needing you.. wanting you
Wondering if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes

Now I'm sitting here thinking about you
And the days we used to share
It's driving me crazy, I don't know what to do
I'm just wondering if you still care

And I wanna let you know that it's killing me
I know you got another life, you gotta concentrate..

I'm thinking of you and I know you're doing the same too.
No doubt I miss you and I bet you're having the same doing the same tonight
I'm dreaming of you, until reality hits me every few minutes.
I toss and turn, till eyes get so sleepy
Only to know waking up at 4am, with John Legend on the radio, I'll then fall asleep crying.

To once love, then regret the decision of separation.. yes it hurts.
We were too afraid to admit, complications will arise like it did, once
Perhaps things will change in the months or even years to come
But deep inside we both know how it would be, once the time is up.

Afraid of the future, how things might change and turn sour
Against time we don't want to face the family or religion issue, Oh the drama.
The talk we had made us realized how much we want to walk hand in hand, smiling like how it was
but we both know it's not right because we'll fall even harder for each other.

I miss you like how you miss me;
I think of you like how you think of me;
I want you as much as you want me;

my precious

2007-08-27T00:32:00.000+08:00

The drive down to Changi made me think of how things would be say 3 to 4 years from now. I looked out the window and thought about the plans that will determine who and where I would want to be (and Insya-Allah execute them when the time comes).

I plan, God decides.

I came home at 7.30am and planned to wake up at 4pm for ngaji and guess what, I went out of the room at 5pm and say my cousins in the living room talking to my siblings. Yes, No Ngaji. Whenever I WANT to like today, Ustazah will not turn up but on lazy days, she would come as early as 4.15pm. Hah.

After lunch with my family on saturday, dad had to go to work. Mom and brother went to my grandma's place and my 2 sisters had plans with their friends. I was waiting for a call and so, decided to stay home till Sri comes over. Sat in the living room watching Nickelodeon while IM-ing with some friends. Someone asked me " what do you want for you birthday? ". I cried like a child. I miss my grandmother so much and to think of how careless I am to lose my uncle's wife's number made me hate myself at that point of time.

And today, I woke up with tears running down my cheeks. I dreamt of her. I remembered crying through when she told me to take care of myself, pray and do God wants us to do. If we don't think of him, why should be think of us and reward with the good things in life? I miss her.

Anyone interested to accompany me to the above event? Drop me an SMS/IM :)

2007-08-26T17:44:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU everyone for the wish either through Frienster messages or testimonials, phone calls, e-mail or the blog.

I'll have a long list if I start naming everyone individually :)

For those who couldn't get through my old number, MSN/E-mail me for the new one. No, I didn't get a new phone. It's more of the case of a sister who purchased a line and its accumulated bill went up to over a hundred bucks. HAHA.

Thank you mum and dad for the lunch treat. Turning 20 isn't a big deal only that I now have more responsibilites and a lot more to think about. University education, career an such. I will keep what the both of you said in mind.

Think like a chinese but behave like a muslim

Abang Nazir & Kak Yani + Marsya Darling, I LOVE the HRC KL tank top though you didn't take off the price tag.

Thank you Hakim for the pillow and the big lollipop, and Sofia too.

Thank you boys, Syai and Seri for the cake and making me smell like one.

Thank you to you for the treat :)

*// Hate is easy; Love takes Courage. I miss you.

2007-08-25T17:55:00.000+08:00

I miss my grandmother terribly.
and it hurts to think about everything that has happened.

Dear God, please let her know that I miss her. My siblings miss her. Please move her to call us :(

2007-08-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

Laying on the bed with so many questions up in my head
So many events.. so much reflection done

My 19th birthday was good :)
Good friends.. never-ending birthday song.
My parents were in KL for the weekend and so, 3 days 2 nights was all good.

Today.. exactly a year later.

I miss my grandma a whole lot, perhaps a good birthday wish is to meet her.
I don't dare ask for it because the silence would be remind me so much of the past.
The way she stroke my hair, bring me food.
How she applied my medication on me.
How she would stay awake till I come home even at midnight
How she showed her love and care towards siblings and I from the day we were born.
She had always been there like no other did.
Her health, always in my prayers. I hope she miss me as much as I miss her.
I know it might be too late if I were to wait till tomorrows,
but deep down inside, she'll always be special.
I love you Mak. *Omg, I'm about to cry*

The break-up was terrible.
The lying, the hurt was unbearable.
But I've picked myself up because I know God has better plans for us.
He's now engaged, and happy.

They say.. If you love that someone let him go. I did. I'm not saying I got over the whole thing but I know for sure that I've moved on because he did. Everything that I've heard and know, have helped me become a stronger person.

I've made a few good friends who has been there for me since he left. These people are the one who helped me look on the brighter side in every situation I get myself into. Now though I am younger than them, they do come to me when they need someone to talk to. They ask me for advice meaning there is trust between us. From what I've gone through, I am thankful that I am able to help because there is no way I would let them feel how I did months back.

Sri once said, I push myself to an extend whereby I don't feel the hurt when actually I do. I do that because I can't keep on pretending. I shall be happy with what I have and hope for the best. I believe in God and loves him a lot and by this I'm sure He remembers me too and will guide me throughout this short journey on earth.

The difference between a girl and a woman is the way they handle themselves.. their feelings and how they act towards the situation, my point of view that is. I've learnt to look at situations from different angles because either way, one would get hurt. Who says big girls don't cry? I do. Then again, it's how you carry yourself and also adapt to the situation given, complicated or not.

I hope I'm not offending anyone by bringing up the past. Enough of those games.

My parents have been very supportive of me. Though not many things change, I am thankful that they treat me like an adult, leave me to make my own life decisions.

The bond between my siblings and I have tighten for now, we can sit down and have a good meal without having small arguments.

I met Precious whose smile melt me instantly. Thank you :)

I lay on the bed.. thinking of the ride I went through.
I want to laugh everything out and smile but some would know I'm faking it.
I can't cry because no more tears are left and I don't even want to start.

From everything that has happened and yes, there are too much to be written here
I hope I've matured.

I hope with the decisions I've made, I won't look back and say I shouldn't have done this and that.. in the future.

I apologize for the hurt that I caused to everyone, either with intentions or not.

With Nisfu Sya'aban in a few days, I pray things will get better. I definitely would want change for the better. Amin.

*//if I could have this one last dance with you, I'd play a song that goes on forever

What would I do without them.. thanks couSINS

2007-08-24T13:13:00.000+08:00

Last night, Mom mentioned something about Nisfu Sya'aban and asked my sisters and I to go to the mosque on Monday or Tuesday night. Else, we are not allowed to stay out till late at night like what we have been doing for the past weeks. It's like being grounded but without a reason.

Nifsu Sya'aban would be on Monday, 27th August 2007 (right after Maghrib prayers, right after Maghrib on 14 Sya'aban 1428H).

Let us all take this golden opportunity to close our current book of deeds (good and bad) and improve ourselves to being a better person with the opening of a new book.

Nisfu sya'aban is a day wherby our individual book of deeds for the past year would be carried up and changed to a new one. The new book of deeds will be a new one and will start its writting when Maghrib comes (15 Sya'aban will start on 14hb Sya'aban exactly when Maghrib starts.)

Below are the amal ibadah on Nifsu Sya'aban:

1. Selepas solat maghrib (15 Sya'aban, malam = 27 Ogos 2007)

Solat sunat nisfu sya'aban, 2 rakaat
Rakaat 1 : baca Al-Fatihah & surah Al-Qadar 1x
Rakaat 2 : baca Al-Fatihah & surah Al-Ikhlas 3x

2. Membaca Yasin 3x selepas solat Maghribnya (15 Sya'aban, malam = 27 September 2007)

i) Selepas Yasin pertama : mohon dipanjangkan umur untuk beribadat kepada Allah SWT.

ii) Selepas Yasin kedua : mohon rezeki yang halal untuk beribadat kepada Allah SWT.

iii) Selepas Yasin ketiga : mohon ditetapkan iman dan Islam & mati di dalam iman & pohonlah segala yang baik. Kemudian baca Istighfar 11x & selawat 11x
Baca doa nisfu Sya'aban (ada didalam Yasin Majmuk)

3. Baca surah ikhlas 1000x

4. Berpuasa pada siangnya

Abul Khair Al Talaqaani r.a. mengira nama2 malam Nisfu Syaaban sebanyak 22.

Antaranya yg termasyhur adalah:

1. Malam Dimustajabkan Doa
2. Malam Pembahagian Takdir
3. Malam Rahmat
4. Malam Berkat
5. Malam Pengampunan (Taubat)
6. Malam Penebusan
7. Malam Syafaat
8. Malam Penulisan
9. Malam Keagungan dan Kemuliaan
10. Malam Rezeki
11. Malam Hari Raya Para Malaikat
12. Malam Penghidupan

Antara kelebihan bulan Sya'aban:

Sesiapa berpuasa sehari dalam bulan Sya'aban maka Allah haramkan tubuhnya dari api neraka dan dia akan menjadi teman kepada Nabi Allah Yusof didalam Syurga.

Riwayat dari Osman Bin Abi Al-As, Sabda Nabi Muhammad (saw):

Pada malam nisfu sya'aban setelah berlalu 1/3 malamnya, Allah turun ke langit dunia lalu berfirman "Adakah orang-orang yang meminta maka Aku perkenankan permintannya, adakah orang yang meminta ampun maka aku ampunkannya, adakah orang yang bertaubat maka aku terima taubatnya dan diampunkan semua orang mukmin lelaki & perempuan , melainkan orang yang berzina atau orang yang berdendam marah hatinya kepada saudaranya".

Sebaik-baiknya minta ampun dengan ibubapa sebelum hari nisfu sya'aban kerana amalan kita akan terhalang dari diangkat ke langit sekiranya kita derhaka/berdosa dengan ibu-bapa kita.

Wallahua'alam

Wasalam.

I have no idea how to translate this piece to English and so, I shall just leave it as it is. It's actually a forwarded e-mail from mom and as some of you know, I think the most effective way for ME AND MY MOM to communicate is through e-mail. She just spends to much time in the office and her reply via e-mail is quite efficient so that explains it all.

I wish it what that simple

Ok, It's not even 2pm and I'm already bored.

2007-08-21T23:09:00.000+08:00

I need to re-format other half, again because of those.. irritating I tell you.

I went to school for the 30 minutes test, met my sister and some friends for Tai-Tee and small talks. I won't be attending anymore class but I need to clear my CE points and PP. So troublesome.

Something I got in the inbox today :)

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity."

- Albert Einstein

Our expectations can get us into trouble. Instead of trying to force outcomes, we should patiently let things flow. Whatever is meant to be will happen, and all we can do is be true to ourselves.

What he's really looking for in a partner
by A.K. Boyle

When men talk candidly about women, they sound… well, they sound a little like us. Sex may have laid a hefty claim on the male brain, but it doesn't seem to be relevant when it comes to what he's really looking for in a partner, which is just that - a partner. According to them, men want a counterpart they respect, a cohort who shares their interests and a confidant they can talk to. They want women to be happy with who they are and comfortable getting what they want. So listen up. Men just may be a little simpler (and more complex) than you thought.

According to the boys, men want a girl who:

Knows what she wants
Confidence is still the name of the game. Many men listed trying to hard to please others (including them) as a turn-off. Instead, women who know what they want (and aren't afraid to ask for it) were described as attractive, sexy and desirable.

Makes me laugh
A sense of humor is as important to men as it is to women. After all, a relationship without its fair share of laughter gets old pretty quickly, if it gets started at all. Lighthearted, witty or utterly ridiculous doesn't seem to matter, as long as you get each other's jokes and aren't afraid to throw dignity to the wind and get silly sometimes.

Takes care of herself
Yes, looks made the list. But no one cited "beauty" or "great legs" among his criteria. Instead, it seems that looking "put together" is essential. Men admitted that they want a woman to "put time into her appearance" and be generally neat and organized while avoiding the "high maintenance" category.

Shares my interests
If you can't agree on what to do together, it gets complicated to be together. It is important to guys that their girls have common interests (or be open to them). Whether they're into rock climbing or old movies, they'd much rather have you along. And even if it's not your thing, simply being curious and open-minded about their work and hobbies can be enough to satisfy their need to be understood.

Surprises me
It's actually not much of a surprise; spontaneity ranked high as a very desirable trait in a woman, though the quality earned varying definitions. For some it was the inclination to make spur-of-the-moment decisions or having a generally "adventuresome" personality. For others it was enough that a woman thought differently than they did and had the ability to surprise them with her outlook, her suggestions or her actions.

Impresses me
Many women get the message that men are threatened or turned off by intelligent, powerful women, but according to the source, that's pure fiction. Guys want someone they can respect. They cited intelligence as a highly desirable quality; quite a few admitted that they preferred a woman who is more intelligent than they are. Strong really is beautiful, so put your best self forward.

Doesn't care what I think
It's not always what they say to our faces, but guys claim to respect a woman who does her own thing, even when it isn't aligned with what he wants. Independence is strong and attractive, and it's a plus when he knows you're autonomous enough to be on your own and have a good time without him.

Tells it straight
Guys don't want to have to play games or guess what a woman wants, so they're drawn to honesty, sincerity and the ability to communicate clearly. If you're straightforward about how you feel and what you want, he can react to you rather than waste time trying to gauge what's really going on. Men aren't exactly pros when it comes to reading our minds, and they know it. Being upfront about how you feel can make it a little easier on everyone.

Cares about me
They didn't seem as concerned with being the sun to her earth as they were interested in women who are genuinely compassionate. While a girl who is the center of her own universe might be intriguing in the beginning, it gets old fast, and men want to be treated with kindness and respect as much as women do. They also notice how we act when it's not about them: back-stabbing and cattiness score high as major turn-offs.

Confuses me
Don't ever feel that you're beholden to one version of yourself or that he'll lose interest if you reveal your "dark" side. Men are strangely drawn to contradictions, and the polarities of your personality are what make you uniquely you. Let yourself be bookish and passionate, conservative but spontaneous, lighthearted and intellectual -- those warring contradictions that can make you crazy can also make you mysterious and continually surprising.

Then again, it defers from one person to another :)

2007-08-21T00:38:00.000+08:00

Who's gonna tell you when it's too late?

Who's gonna tell you things aren't so great?

You can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

Who's gonna pick you up when you fall?

Who's gonna hang it up when you call?

Who's gonna pay attention to your dreams?

Who's gonna plug their ears when you scream?

You can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

Who's gonna hold you down when you shake?

Who's gonna come around when you break?

You can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

Oh, you know you can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

Well, it goes down to one. I can only depend on myself.

Dear God.. please make things better.

2007-08-20T14:31:00.000+08:00

As others in RP would say " Self-declared holidays right? ". Mine started on Friday except for the fact that I have to go to school to sit for a 30 minute Marketing test tomorrow, I am free till school re-opens in September. I've completed 14 our of 16 weeks of lesson which is required. Overall, grades aren't fantastic but a whole lot better than before. Attendance improved a whole lot since I off-ed my slack mode few months back because I've realized that if I continue being like this, I'll end up staying back for another semester or so. I've seen some people doing it and I think it's a waste of time and money.

I am not sure if I would be able to get into a university ( mom says that it's not about your credit but the cash). Am unsure of how true this is but if I don't get to pursue in the field I am interested in, then I'll go to plan B.

You guess.

As quoted by the Diva girlfriend of 17 years " Girls who didn't quite make it through A-levels (at least with impressive results) to do what i want at a local university. and thus end up in ___." I bet my friends would go " You? A ________? You don't even have the experience".

Thing is, I like helping people. This explains the orientation I will be attending on 2nd September at MENDAKI. I'd like to change the perception people (try at least because I am a Malay and at times, I do discriminate them too) have towards the Malay community. I hate to see, read, hear news especially about abortions and crime rate. Saddening don't you think? True it doesn't affect me in anyway and maybe you'll ask why do you care so much when it's not happening to me? I thank God it's not happening to me but it is happening to my good friends.

I was once like them, somehow fucked up my life in a way or two too, but they (my friends) didn't get a chance to pull the brakes but for me, I was able to make a U-turn if you know what I mean.

Anyway if the above fails, I'll roam the earth. About the skin, Noris girlfriend gave me an excellent product to cover everything. If this one fails too, hmm.. I'll pursue my dreams of finding a RICH husband and settle down being a Tai-Tai. hahaha.

Unrealistic, I know. LOL.

I don't know what the future holds for me and yes, it is scary. So many things I want to do yet not knowing if I can accomplish it. So many people I want to meet yet not knowing if they'd be around when I'm there. So many places to go yet not knowing if it will still be there when I'm at the top.

I've learnt something about myself too.It all makes sense now to why I am behaving like this. Since young, my parents will get me whatever I want else, I'd make a big fuss. Till now, Alhamdulilah. They are able to give me what I ask for. Pampered, I guess so.

but..

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need
- Rolling stones.

Too bad, some people just refuse to keep on trying. Don't want to go through the complications. Don't want to have faith in what they believe in individually :)

Then again, I believe in Karma. You have a good Karma and I am sure that phase you went through was month have ended and soon, things will get better. I miss you, I really do. Wait, has the Summer ended? Well, I don't think so. I do have things in mind, you're definitely more or less prepared honey.

I woke up with scars on the face and back. I don't have long nails so how did it happen?

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

2007-08-19T20:28:00.000+08:00

Being apart from the one you love can be a totally gut-wrenching affair.

As women, when the missing gets too overwhelming, you can just let your tears fall and still your heart squeezes in pain. You wonder how long it will be before you can be in your lover's arms again... And the smallest thing can just spark off the ache of absence and tears will just spring to your eyes uncontrollably.

Darling, missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if (only) I knew you were missing me too.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com

The Indonesian channel on SCV, irritating.

2007-08-18T02:35:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 4pm today meaning, I skipped the last Marketing lesson for the semester.
oh well, what's new about my sleeping habits.

Here I am on the bed, watching The Devil Wears Prada. Old movie, I know.
I watched Rush Hour 3, not as funny I thought it would be.
Last night's Scary Movie was boring.
Caught a few scenes from The Simpson's movie a few days back.

I hear a dog barking; irritating.
I've not heard from the boyfriend;
Gosh, I miss that boy.

Tell me why I shouldn't hate Fridays?

I don't get to meet my boyfriend.
I can't even get through his line to talk.
I am stuck at home, watching online movies.
My good friends aren't online on MSN.
I miss my dad, I've not seen him since last weekend.
I don't know if tomorrow's plan is confirmed.

Tell me why I shouldn't hate Fridays?

And, I still don't know what I will be doing on the 25th.. believe it or not.

2007-08-15T16:36:00.000+08:00

We all have secrets. At times, strangers are the ones we feel comfortable with to talk about issues that's bothering us. I use to do that, back when I was younger. It started out in mIRC when I was 12 till 15. I met the x-boyfriend online when I was 17 because I felt comfortable talking to him. That was how it all started, from strangers to online friends then going out for dates. Got together after a while but sadly ended everything as strangers; back to square one.

Some people stay, some disappear like it or not.

I'll be turning 20 in a few days. A lot of things have happened and no doubt I've learnt a lot. The ups and downs, the bitching, the backstabbing and of course the judging from others when you least expects it.

This is the part whereby I am sure many pretend to cover the hurt.

Friends may not be there for you when you need them. That was when I realized at times, I am my own bestfriend. I can't live without people helping me out here and there, listening to my problems, advising me. I make decisions base on the issues I have gone through though at times, I rather choose my wants rather than my needs.

Working on this PostSecret Video has been a labor of love. I hope you find the secrets as meaningful and moving as I do. If you do, please consider emailing your friends about it and linking to it from your Blog.

Come back here next Sunday for 20 new secrets.

media inquiries
Jan@postsecret.com

http://postsecret.blogspot.com

Baby, I hope you did well for your presentation. I miss you :)

2007-08-14T14:45:00.000+08:00

Your Life Revolves Around Yourself

There's no chance that you're going to let your guy control you.

You've got your own thing going on - and he's lucky to be a part of it.

And even though he might pressure you to consider his feelings a little more...

He's secretly into how independent you really are.

Does Your World Revolve Around Your Guy?

You Are Confident and Secure

You are practically immune to insecurity and self doubt.

You're comfortable with who you are, and if someone doesn't like you - that's not your problem.

Some people think you're too confident, but that's just their insecurities shining through.

Your confidence carries you through your worst moments, because you know you'll always come out fine.

Are You An Insecure Girl?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others.

Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.

You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.

A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.

You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Are Fairly Skeptical

You're not the type of person who will fall for anything...

But you do keep your mind open to all sorts of possibilities.

You figure that anything could be true. After all, the world is a strange place.

However, you're going to need some convincing before you can believe in aliens or reincarnation!

How Skeptical Are You?

You Are 39% Jealous

You're occasionally jealous, but you wouldn't be human if you weren't

You keep your jealousy under control. You accept it, deal with it, and move on.

In fact, most people would be surprised to know that there's a jealous bone in your body.

So congratulate yourself for keeping your emotional impulses under control!

How Jealous Are You?

Your Love is Based on Friendship

For you, chemistry doesn't really happen without compatibility.

Companionship and openness are the most important parts of your relationships.

Whoever you love should be your best friend.

And falling in love with a good friend is never out of the question.

Why your love can last: You only fall for people who you truly understand... and who truly understand you

Why your love can fail: Sometimes you don't admit how important physical chemistry is to you

What Is Your Love Based On?

You Are Occasionally a Jerk Magnet

You've been known to attract real jerky guys from time to time...

But the truth is, you know what you're getting into. You can help but love bad boys.

Are You a Jerk Magnet?

You Are 52% Spoiled

You're a little spoiled, but you're not spoiled rotten.

You love to be showered with gifts and affection, but you're good at keeping your demands to a minimum!

Are You Spoiled?

Your Personality Is

Artisan (SP)

You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations.

You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky.

You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations.

It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school.

You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you.

You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience.

In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment.

At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur.

With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out.

As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes.

On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.

The Three Question Personality Test

You Have Fantastic Karma

You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person.

And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already.

But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway.

You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that!

How's Your Karma?

He Is So Into You!

Come on, why was there any question in your mind?

If he hasn't asked you out yet, he will!

All signs point to strong flirtation -

And that's always a good thing.

Is He Into You?

He Is More Than a Hookup

You've fallen pretty hard for this guy, which could be a great thing.

But if he's just looking for a hookup, this spells trouble.

If your guy wants something serious, than by all means, step things up.

Otherwise, find someone else who's interested in more than a fling.

Is He Just a Hookup?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!

Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.

If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.

You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

You Are Somewhat Honest

You do tend to tell the truth a lot

But you also stretch the truth on occasion

You figure a little lie isn't a big deal

As long as it doesn't hurt anyone too much!

How Honest Are You?

Your Reputation Is: Maneater

You're the kind of girl all the chicks hate...

And guys are both scared of you yet strangely drawn in.

Do You Have A Bad Girl Reputation?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.

Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.

Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.

And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are powerful, passionate, and dominant.

You have a vision of how things should be, and you do your best to make things happen.

People rely on you for your strength. You are a rock to many.

Underneath it all, you aren't so sure about your passions.

So many ideas spark your interest, it is hard for you to get behind a select few.

However, you see indecision as a sign of weakness. So you pursue your goals full force - no matter how foolish they turn out to be.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Are 58% Independent

Overall, you're a pretty independent woman. You don't follow trends just to fit in.

You've got your own cool thing going on, though you sometimes still care too much about what other's think.

Are You an Independent Woman?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You want to be with someone who's a success. A person with the right job, right family, right clothes...

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Career Personality: Original, Devoted, and Service Oriented

Your Ideal Careers:

Art director

Book editor

College professor

Composer

Film director

Graphic designer

Novelist

Stage actor

Psychiatrist

Writer

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

You Are 4% Shy

You aren't shy at all, in fact, you're probably quite outgoing.

You are comfortable in almost any social situation, no matter how difficult.

How Shy Are You?

I AM SUPER BORED.
now now.. where is my BOYFRIEND? LOL

2007-08-14T11:59:00.001+08:00

I was reading the problem statement for today's Financial Accounting class and somehow it reminded me of the time I got a good scolding for not selling his shares. I was working at NTUC Income and on certain days, he would pester me to go help me sell his shares when I have NO IDEA how it even works. This is one of the reasons why we broke up, the constant scoldings in which I think is a little bit too much. He may be a boyfriend at that point of time but he has no right to scold me.

and because of what he did, he had to pay close to $2000, I think and blamed it all on me. It's over and done with so whatever. I don't have the interest to study the market. To some, it may be easy money but when you lose it, you'll end up like the x. He's still alive and kicking, probably in the Operation theater trying to do some facial re-construction of someone as I speak.

If you're reading this, when can we meet? I need to pass you your yearbooks back because I don't think I have the right to hold on to them. Bring your girlfriend along, I don't mind. I know most of my friend's girlfriends are insecure when I'm around. I don't understand why.

-See, now I have forgotten what I'm suppose to blog about.

Baby's not in school today for God knows what reason. I did wake him up in the morning though but I guess he's too tired.
See, when I wear nice-nice, you never come.

Abang Nazir and Kak Yani showed me the present they bought me from KL.
SUPER NICELAH !! *yeayyy*

I think I'm too dependent on blogger to let everything out. That explains the multiple post in a day. My sister told me I've been shutting myself from the people around me. I come home, wash up, do the dishes then lay on the bed, infront of my laptop till I fall asleep.

So many things have happened for the past few days.

Some people cannot be trusted simply because they can't keep their mouth shut.

Now, I have 1 less blog to read. alahhhhhhhh..
Nazira darling, we need to do something about it.. I'm sure you and I want to know what's going on up there.
haha.

11 more days till I turn 20. YIKES!

2007-08-14T11:59:00.000+08:00

I was reading the problem statement for today's Financial Accounting class and somehow it reminded me of the time I got a good scolding from Sham, the Doctor x-boyfriend for not selling his shares. I was working at NTUC Income and on certain days, he would pester me to go help me sell his shares when I have NO IDEA how it even works. This is one of the reasons why we broke up, the constant scoldings in which I think is a little bit too much. He may be a boyfriend at that point of time but he has no right to scold me.

Because of what I did, he had to pay close to $2000, I think and blamed it all on me. It's over and done with so whatever. I don't have the interest to study the market. To some, it may be easy money but when you lose it, you'll end up like the x. He's still alive and kicking, probably in the Operation theater trying to do some facial re-construction of someone as I speak.

If you're reading this, when can we meet? I need to pass you your yearbooks back because I don't think I have the right to hold on to them. Bring your girlfriend along, I don't mind. I know most of my friend's girlfriends are insecure when I'm around. I don't understand why.

-See, now I have forgotten what I'm suppose to blog about.

Baby's not in school today for God knows what reason. I did wake him up in the morning though but I guess he's too tired.
See, when I wear nice-nice, you never come.

Abang Nazir and Kak Yani showed me the present they bought me from KL.
SUPER NICELAH !! *yeayyy*

I think I'm too dependent on blogger to let everything out. That explains the multiple post in a day. My sister told me I've been shutting myself from the people around me. I come home, wash up, do the dishes then lay on the bed, infront of my laptop till I fall asleep.

So many things have happened for the past few days.

Some people cannot be trusted simply because they can't keep their mouth shut.

Now, I have 1 less blog to read. alahhhhhhhh..
Nazira darling, we need to do something about it.. I'm sure you and I want to know what's going on up there.
haha.

11 more days till I turn 20. YIKES!

2007-08-14T00:24:00.001+08:00

We didn't have accounting class today because Thursday was National Day and so they brought forward my 3rd day module which is Micro Economics. Lesson was dry as per normal. Started out with only 2 teams before I strolled in at 9.15am. Like every other week, my team would consist of the latecomers also known as the 'slackers' in my opinion that is. I bet none of us actually understand what the lesson/topic for the day is, other than Wei-An.

Our PowerPoint slides? OUTSOURCED; but we do make the effort to understand the graphs so good enough.

I met Precious during lunch to have a good talk. I didn't expect to say or do whatever I did. I know I am strong but strangely when I look into his eyes, I cried. I hate to be in the position I was in, being stubborn.

I didn't know I had the courage to say whatever I said simply because I tend to please people more than myself. In the morning, I looked into the mirror and told myself " No. This is what I want". I know was being selfish but I don't want to let go of what I have. I said nasty things like I can think for myself and was trying to emphasize that he's thinking too much.

I'm sorry.

Since young I've always gotten whatever I ask for even up till now. I'd turn into a little girl if I don't get that something in which I want badly. Wailing, stamping my feet and repeating the phrase again and again. Like what I did to Precious during lunch, " I don't want..I don't want..I don't want.. ".

Again, I'm sorry. I don't mean to scare you. I just don't want to lose you. I never want you to see my cry but you did. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have stayed and try to make things work.

I was smiling while walking with Precious to the MRT station because in my mind, I was thinking of our first few dates. Awkward. I remembered him trying to make me jealous and smile at the same time. The shoulder he offered to rest my head during the rides to town, just like the old times. Trying to lock our fingers together under our bags while pretending to sleep or simply resting.

Dinner at Carls Jr. was filling. I asked him out simply because I hate to drag this kind of issues. I want to talk and settle the issues we're facing. I want to make things simple (though I know I am a little bit demanding). I looked into your eyes, they're still sparkling. The smile melts me instantly and the soft touch, somehow showing me he still care.

Dearest, I know we have to face reality sooner or later. I know of the issues we would have to settle. You've finally seen the stubborn side of me and I now know of what that is going on in your mind.

I did everything I can today simply because.. I have fallen for you. Don't compare yourself to the men that have came in and out of my life because for once, I fall for someone whose simple. Good enough for me to be faithful to (plus that smile of yours Awww...) Call me a crybaby, I don't care. I know what I am feeling. I know why the tears rolled down. I know what's in my heart.

Not now darling.. not now.

2007-08-13T00:57:00.000+08:00

Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss..
And it's gettin better baby
No one can better this
Still holdin on.. you're still the one
The first time our eyes met
The same feeling I get..
Only feels much stronger
I wanna love you longer
You still turn the fire on..
So if you're feelin lonely don't
You're the only one I'll ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should..

Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop lovin you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm goin through
Please forgive me, if need you like I do
Please believe me, every word I say is true..
Please forgive me, I can't stop lovin you..

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch..
We're still gettin closer baby..
Can't get close enough
Still holdin on.. still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything...
I remember all your moves..
I remember you, yeah..
I remember the nights.. you know i still do
So if you're feelin lonely don't
You're the only one i'll ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop lovin you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm goin through
Please forgive me, if I need you like I do
Oh, believe me, every word I say is true
Please forgive me, I can't stop lovin you

The one thing I'm sure of.. is the way we make love
The one thing I depend on.. is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin..
That's why I'm sayin..

The right side of my hips hurt. As if the bones are grinding againts each other when stand or sit for too long.

I've transfered the pictures taken on Saturday night. Please IM me for them and..

Baby, I miss you.
Can we sit under the stars like how we use to.. soon?

2007-08-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

Celebrated Amelia's advanced 20th and Yihao's 19th
You people are getting old so please act like one ok?

Amelis, I LOVE YOU Doll. We shall go present hunting soon and.. to Year 1 boy, don't "KUAI-LAN" with me ahhh.. I "KUAI-LAN" you back then you know.. LOL

The waiting

Her presents

My first time going to Marina. So very the kental, I know.

My first time having steamboat. Dad wouldn't take me to such places because he said I'd be wasting his money since I'm a small-eater

Their birthday cake

2007-08-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

My dad was nice enough to send me to school on Wednesday. No way am I going to school wearing something formal plus the killer heels, going up and down the bus, walking towards the school.. NOT a good idea. He dropped me off at the school carpark where I met my friends before meeting my teammates in the library. The first person who came up to me was Apiz and he said that I looked nice. You don't expect me to wear jeans, tank-tops, shorts or slippers to school like I do on normal lazy days right? Thanks anyway. :)

Did some last minute editing and delegation of PowerPoint slides and before proceeding to the given venue.

The stress was only felt a few minutes before we enter the presentation room. The waiting room was cold, the boys in the room were trying to scare us, sharing their thoughts about our evaluators.

While waiting.. ( We had smiles on our faces when actually the heart was beating really fast because we only had 5 minutes because presentation.. SEMPAT!)

The team before us came out of the presentation room, cursing and swearing. In my mind, that was it. Initially I thought it wouldn't be that bad but from what I saw and heard, it was going to be one hell of a ride.

We entered the room, setup the laptop and introduced ourselves. My legs were shaking as we presented our working program and documentation and as expected, we kena shoot. I swallowed their nasty comments like our program is rather flat mainly because we used Excel but what shocked was (not REALLY shocked but yeahh..) when they asked us if we did try writing our own set of codes. I gave Syimah this look and told the evaluators that Macro Excel uses VBA.

I burnt my whole weekend trying to find out what Macro Excel is, worked with Syimah to make the codes work for our program and they did not ask ANYTHING about it. I remembered once, I was on the verge of breaking down because there we so many things to be done within the short period of time after we discovered there was such a thing was Macro Excel and how we can play around with this function. Now, guess how long was our presentation? 40 minutes!! It was shorter than most groups. WAH PIANG EHH!!

Then, when everything was over..

Syasya drove us to Al-Ameen for our late lunch

Fana and I

When I asked for the bill, the waiter mumbled something about asking me to speak in Malay and I think that is rude. It's my choice how I would want to say it. When he asked what was my order, I mentioned "Chicken Rice Lemon something".. how the hell do I translate that? or rather why don't you check what is it written as in the menu. I then asked my friends what is Soursop in Malay. They too had no idea. So Mister, don't try to be funny with me ahhhh..

Met Seri at 5.30pm to help her with her maths homework. Surprisingly, I still can remember my how to apply the formulas. Asri and the rest came down and one of them mentioned that I look like the girl in of the episodes in "My First Teacher" and another said I qualify to star in one (WHAT THE HELL!!) especially when I wore Asri's black thick-framed spectacles. Sorry boys.. I'm taken. hahahaha..

Recently, I've been seeing this couple making out under the block infront of mine but today, they actually took notice of the people around them. I was walking towards my block and heard one of them say "Now, that's hot". I continued walking and one of them called me out and asked what's my name. I replied, "Farah" and walked away smiling. Thank you for the compliment and mind you the couple, they're both girls. LOL.

Came home, mom said I looked good. Mainly because I look decent in it.

At 12am, my sister Sofia turned 14. Asri and Max turned 22.

Had lunch with the family then dad sent the girls to our respective venues because he had to go to work. Met my friends at 5pm and we headed down to Far East because one of the birthday boys wanted to do a little bit of shopping. Walked around, got what he wanted then we rushed down to I have no idea where to watch fireworks by the road. It was sweeeeeeeeeeeeeetttt..

When everything was over, we headed to KTM where we had dinner/ a small gathering for the two boys.

The birthday boys

The birthday boys and I

Sri and I

and the rest who made it happen :)

Today's class was boring. I didn't do much because I didn't feel right. I hate Fridays. It may be the start of the weekend where I can sleep for as long as I want but the fact that shit always happen on this particular day of every week makes me want to just run away and repeat my yesterdays though they suck as much.

Nabeicheebailah.
I hope tomorrow's steamboat session would make things better.
sigh.

2007-08-08T00:45:00.000+08:00

Definitely a good start for the week. Thank you for not making any plans with any of your friends. Thank you for everything :)

Presentation later at 2pm.
yes, I'm scared that I'll screw up in a way or two.

2007-08-06T13:25:00.000+08:00

Last night, my sister came into my room and asked if Precious are I are having problems because I seem to be quiet for the past few days. I gave her a straight no and continued playing bubble shooter. At home, when you have nothing nice to say mights well shut up. She then continued telling me that my life is a repetition of my yesterdays. Why? When I'm home, I'd be lazing on the bed in-front of the laptop. If not, I'm out with some friends. When I go through a breakup, I go through the same thing and would be Ok several months later. Time heal all wounds.

I realized that when I take long bus rides, especially to and fro from school.. A lot of things run through my mind. The past, the present and the future. Scary, yes it is.

Is it because of this I tend to be someone else as to not show the hurt?

Pretending to accept whatever that has happened between me and the x-boyfriend?
Pretending to be Okay when Precious has no time for me?
Pretending that I like that someone as a friend when I don't?
Pretending to be nice to people and then bitch behind them?
Pretending to be nice to get whatever I want?

Pretending to be someone I'm not. How do I actually go about doing that?

You don't know me well enough to judge me just like how I avoid judging people when I don't know them personally.

A friend saw me typing down this entry and asked me what happened. Her reply was somehow similar. I don't want others to know how I truly feel about an issue because I don't want to hurt the people around me.

I don't want to show others my weaknesses.

If I was really a pretender, I would be losing my friends one by one when they find out the truth. My friends would not trust me like how they do. You can ask my bestfriends, Yanti and Industr|a what kind of person I am.

I don't cry easily. The only time they would see me crying is when I am very angry or when there is so much that's happening and I couldn't take the pressure any longer. Also, when Dad tells me he's tired of me and wants me to change after pointing out my mistakes.

After the break-up, no doubt I was down but I don't go around showing people the hurt I went through. It's not fair because it will also affect them in one way or another because I know these selected people care.

When Precious brought up the religion issue, I remained calm because I saw it coming either sooner or later. I thought about it and took it as a phase. I just want things to go on as per normal. No arguments and I really hate having to go through the silent treatment.

So how do you pretend to be someone you're not?

I know I am stronger than what I think I am.
I know I carry myself well to be respected by the people around me who cares.
I pretend that everything is Okay when at times I'm not.

And I definitely have picked myself up from everything that made me lose myself in me, from the things that affected me in the smallest way possible, from the time I was younger and didn't know better.

I have learnt a lot but to pretend to be someone I'm not?

Perhaps I've changed for the better. I've learnt to take control of my feelings. If you think I'm pretending to be what I'm not.. then please tell me.

but don't take advantage of it.
I am neither vulgar nor rude.
I try to please people when at times, I shouldn't.

But I don't pretend to be someone else.
Not like him, her or anyone else.

and I'm sure there are others too who pretend with or without intentions :)

2007-08-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

I missed this year's Baybeats. Sigh.

Friday, Asri couldn't get the car at the very last minute and so I decided not to go (I can be the laziest person among my group of friends). Precious's told me he's going to be there and as much as I want to see him and introduce him to my friends, I didn't get the chance to.

Saturday, met Seri for a few games of Taitee in the evening then joined the family for dinner at East Coast. Hakim wanted to go fishing and so, we were at Bedok Jetty till 3.30am.

I got to know from a good friend that the x-boyfriend would be there and so I shall avoid and not take chances. I bet it would be an ugly sight. Actually I want to see how he would react but nah, I think he don't deserve the stress or rather to still be feeling guilty after everything.. the LIES and MANIPULATION. I told Precious (Yes, with a capital P) that I don't want to take advantage of the trust and kindness. I know what's going to happen there. I know of the people I am going to meet because of the familiar surroundings. I appreciate him a whole lot and have never thought of hurting him.

Well, perhaps the silly girl is in love. The silly girl knows the truth that will or will not hurt. The silly girl made a mistake of sending messages when her Precious told her not to bother because he himself isn't.

Again, I'm sorry Precious and the x-girlfriend. I really didn't mean to do whatever I did :)

I went to Tampines Mall/Century Square after ngaji with my 2 cousin to find a nice 3/4-sleeved top and a pencil-skirt for this Wednesday. Presentation is at 2pm and I'm freaking out. What if I screw up? What if I can't answer their question? Shittos. We walked around but nothing caught my eye and plus I don't see a size 26 around. Shall head down to Town after school tomorrow.

My neighbor came over at 9pm and the first thing she said to me was, " What happened to you? You lost so much weight". I smiled. She came over to invite my family and I to her wedding. She told me about her solemnization on Saturday evening. We had a good talk and kept telling me she can't believe that she's now officially someone's wife. Though they planned this 2 years back, she is still somehow not ready for it. To be a mother, a wife. I guess we never will till the time comes.

To think someone actually did plan to ask for my hand when I turn 21 2 years back. I'm glad I didn't accept it and remember saying, " Those are YOUR plans, NOT OURS ".

http://postsecret.blogspot.com

Sometimes I feel like crying.
But I won't.
It's just that.. I miss the boyfriend a lot.

20 days till I officially turn 20.
OHMYGOD!!

2007-08-04T16:43:00.000+08:00

Once, he was curious. Getting to know someone from the club.. for a totally new experience.

It did get to me when I got hold of the story few days back, afraid that he'll leave or find someone new while having a few round of drinks with friends last night. To be out till the next morning, I pray he knows I'm still here.

Big boobies, Nah~ that don't impress my man though he'll look. Who wouldn't.

I guess its the softest touch, being there for him and understanding him. I may not be at an advantage right now, due to the 1001 personal issues we're facing at the same time. Still, he's the Burmese guy who make my heart skip a beat whenever our eyes meet.

This month's PMS, so many unglam moments. My goodness.

Everything just fell apart and seemed to be so wrong. I thought since FYP 1's over, things would get better. I wasn't being myself. Imagine me being rude and VERY vulgar. I'm scaring myself thinking about it.

I may be the "CBlah" kind of girl but NOT "F.U ok!" or "NB. Go and dielah" kind of person. Haha.I did some reflection on the way home from school and laughed to the things I did like getting angry for almost everything and said.

I'll summarize everything up.

It started out on Monday when I happily went down to Sim Lim Square after UT without Precious. I was Ok with it initially but when I called him to say that I'm heading home, I couldn't get through. Either diverted to the mailbox or "Number Busy". After a few calls, he finally answered and told me he's with some friends at some country club. Imagine how pissed I was.

I got home, threw my tantrum at my sister and said, " He has time for everything else and not me!! ". Slammed the door and went to bed.

On Tuesday, I pissed my friend Sinar off BIG TIME. We were playing Taitee and he cheated! I started scolding him knowing it's only a GAME and everyone knew how irritating he can be.

Wednesday evening was spent at the 201E station and then Bedok HQ. It's funny how Seri thought the scenario would be like how it is in Prison Break. Wait long-longlah dear. Told you we'd have to wait, and wait.. and wait.. The waiting pissed me off because I've yet to complete my FYP RJ and evaluation. Everything cooled down when I was reading to her the statement to them and one by one started laughing. The policeman's English is WORST THAN MINE. For example tore became torn, She because He, dislocated her arm because dislocated her hand. LOL. I'll try to get a copy of the statement and post it up.

Seri darling, whatever you did was right. Anyone in your position would do the same. Trust me and please, take care of yourself. I don't want you to screw your O's and regret like how I did. I love you :)

Precious went to the Gym on Thursday and I, went home straight. He then called me at night to tell me he's having dinner at Sim Lim after checking out the price for his new charger. I was telling myself "whatever. I can't be bothered".

Another Friday night wasted.

The initial plan was to go down to Esplanade with Asri, Nas, Seri and a few others then Asri broke the bad news. His dad had to rush to the hospital and therefore we could not use the car. ASRI PAITAO AHHH!!

That was how the week go.

Oh, I did a mistake of sending Precious's x girlfriend a message via Friendster. I don't know what got into me. Curious? yes. Thing is, I know what happened between them so it wasn't a " what if he goes back to her " kind of situation. Anyway she's attached and Precious thinks I'm (from the SMS he sent me last night) "the only right thing that is happening in his life right now".

Good enough.

I wasn't trying to be funny or anything but again, PMS got the best of me. It was silly, I have to agree. I didn't think of its consequences. Or maybe because I thought she would reply like how I would. HELL WAS I WRONG to think that she would be as nice as me. I know myself well and Precious knows that I am not rude nor vulgar. I think before I talk (not all the time though) and am not the type who would try to be funny doing STUPID things.

Yes. The reply did get to me but Precious told me before not to bother because he is totally over it.

I didn't bother replying but she sent another message :)

And I thought I made myself clear the first time

Oh, thank you for the well wishes whether you meant it or not :)

*// Precious, I'm sorry. I won't be so silly to do things like that again. Also, next month when the same thing happens again, you should know better :)

BLAME PMS. heh.

2007-08-03T15:54:00.000+08:00

Because it's Friday .. and I miss you.

The beautiful story left me wondering
Unaware of the things around me
So familiar yet empty
I turn around to see whose behind
Look through the crowd..
How come I don't see my STAR shinning?

The sense of loss, the feeling I've been ignoring
It contradicts from what I've been telling the people around me
to what I really feel
I'm keeping it inside, though the heart is fragile
Because I know how you'll answer.. how it's going to be.

At times I can't hold back
No, I can never be like Barbie
I don't want another drama
Not going to be the character I was in my story.

I go back to the bed, the pillows whose always there for me.
Its a shame how weak I've become
I've been cranky, that I'm not denying.
I thought I was ignorant enough towards almost everything that's negative.

Because it's Friday .. and I miss you.

- unknown.

2007-08-03T00:19:00.000+08:00

I met Liza in the bus and we had a heart to heart talk which made me wonder how it's going to turn out in the few weeks, which will lead to months and then years to come. I'm praying that everything will go on smoothly despite the regular bumps we face along the way.

I heard someone whisper your name but when I turned around to see who it was, I noticed that I was actually alone. Then I realized it was my heart telling me that I miss you.

2007-08-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

My friend Samuel have decided to have an in-house sale on the 1st and 2nd September for his Applebottom by Nelly apparrels with 35 to 50% off the selling price. Both old and new design. Pretty nice designs and considering its a US based label, bet you would love em'

Either message him at : http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=3422718
or tag me and I'll refer you to him for more details..

:)

2007-08-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

Anyone NICE ENOUGH to bring to Baybeats 07' ?
Because I think Precious would be busy with FYP

Singapore is so small yet so big.
I hope I won't bump into the few people I'm trying to avoid, for good that is.

I guess it will be weird to go down to the venue. Familiar faces, the environment..and me, walking with someone new. It's sad that we've become strangers after what happened.

When I saw 'Sally' under the artistes Line-up page, first thing that came to my mind.. What the hell happened to MP?

Been months people. Bile nak lepak?

*//There are so many things I'm not sure of in life, but with all certainty at this very minute, all I know is that I miss you Precious.

2007-08-01T13:27:00.001+08:00

Pay back for the loss of sleep due to FYP.
I feel so much better.

Doll is in school with Winson because his FYP presentation would be at 2pm
Mine would be next week.
Precious is also in school completing his FYP.

and I'm at home.
Give me something to do. Other than the FYP evaluation and RJ to be submitted by 2359 later.

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

I was blog-hopping last night when I came across very interesting entries. One about breaking the chain, another was about feelings.

Dad ever told us about him breaking the chain so that we would have a better life, not like what he had to go through when he was growing up and Alhamdulilah, he did it. It just happens that in the society, the way these kids are being brought up, there will be a high chance that they will bring pass the values instilled in them ( it could be by vulgarities, silent treatment or even andto their kids in the exact same way. I may be right, I may be wrong.

I know of a someone who came from a good family but later screwed up her life totally by getting married to someone who she said could help her financially and thus, decided to leave her boyfriend of 6 years.

I know of a someone whose parents work so hard to provide for the 5 of them then screwed up her life by getting pregnant.

I know of 2 who got pregnant birth at 15 but still continuing their dreams to study and give the best to their child.

I know of people whose parents love her so much but she became the rebel of the family. Why? She believed that freedom is a need when actually it a privilege.

and mind you, only one of them those mentioned is a Malay.

You parents might have brought you up, provide you with everything that they can but in the end its up to you ..the choice to either fully utilize what that is been given or screw things up. Even if you came from a good family, that doesn't promise you a good life in a future because its up to you.

We have one life. Don't screw it.

Like the chain, either you break it.. or you'll be the same just like you father or grandmother or great-grand mother and follow their habits/footsteps.

Which reminds me of the stupid Dayung Sampan joke that I use to hear a lot. Dayung sampai is NOT a malay song. If I'm not mistaken, it's a song that was sang by the baba-nyonyas who came to Singapore long long time ago. Wait, I think I've said this before.

2007-08-01T01:06:00.000+08:00

I feel like Bitchslapping you.

and yes, PMS is so not helping.
Even Asri who was chatting with me on MSN noticed it.

I saw Mocha Ice-cream in the fridge.
I'm going to take a bathe, finish up the laundry.
Then sit in-front of the TV in my room eating ice-cream and Nutella.

My tummy is bulging out already, meaning Miss menses is on the way..

Fuck the diets for the coming week.
Losing weight is not that difficult actually.
Its all in the mind.

2007-07-31T14:03:00.000+08:00

Headed down to Sim Lim Square after the big hoohaa (long day in class, FYP and UT) because my HDD crashed, of all the things in the world.

Thanks Benji for the cab ride :)

I've lost a lot of pictures (Precious said, "Pictures can be taken again.." Worry not. I'm smart enough to upload most of them into my multiply site), songs (I know I can count on Asri on this ), RP notes (I MUST download the important PowerPoint slides for referral before the semester ends), movies ( I think I'll ask around and surely my class/school mates have tons of it in their HDD) and Precious's files (he transferred files from his laptop before reformatting his laptop few weeks back).

Thank Goodness I could find the warranty card. I'm already broke and jobless (haha!) and am NOT willing to pay for anything in which I think is not worth even my 5 cents (I'm a blardy cheapskate, I know). I went back to the shop I bought my HDD from to show faulty cable and told them what happened. It was actually my fault because I anyhow dumped the cable into my bag. Guess what, the man gave me a NEW piece for free :)

Went Bugis Street to look for shorts before heading back to Tampines for a few rounds of Taitee. It’s been some time since I walked around all by myself, reflecting on the current happenings of my life. I somehow screwed up at one point, wasted time doing things I didn't like (and I still am) but now, looking back at the lessons that I've gained through the period of time, it taught me a whole lot more about how Life really is and most importantly how to handle it. I'm still young and have a lot of things to look forward to. I have so many people to meet, so many places to go, so many things to do..

I think everyone is somehow scary and damaged. It's how you handle yourself the situations.

A good trip don't you think?
I only paid for my drink, snack and transportation.

The night before, Syimah and I were conversing on MSN telling each other what we still need to do, asking each other of what we have yet to include and points that were missing in our FYP reports. Somehow, we were at the verge of bursting. Both of us wanted to get things over and done with because it was already 2am and the deadline is in 16 hours. 3am, I could not take it and fall asleep in front of the laptop.

It was a beautiful Monday despite him being late and thus, both of us were late for class. Nothing new about that but the smart top he wore melted me and somehow I forgot all about the "we are late!!" issue. Didn't really pay attention in class because I was busy running around trying to get things done before 5am, the targeted time for the team to submit was 5.30pm as the submission closing time was 6pm. Passed the envelope to put our CDs in to Syimah, help her burn our project into CDs and test the CD out on Precious's laptop.

Other than that, I was trying to complete my weekly log. I remembered Precious saying "Look at what FYP did to her. Become crazy already" to Maode, our accounting facilitator when I giggled to myself and told him I am so excited yet scared to burn the CDs. He didn't pay much attention to me because he was busy with his own work but since he was seated right beside me, he didn't have a choice of being my target. I irritated with irrelevant comments that has nothing to do with Accounting. For example when I asked him to look at my face because there is a new scar on the chin when I know how he would respond when he is busy doing something more useful.. haha

Rushed to my MIS classroom for UT. Completed my personal weekly log and finally, MISS SYIMAH did the honor of writing down our project name, group member's name and project code onto the envelope. We had a heart to heart talk about the project and we both did agree on some issues discussed. Well, shit happens right?

Went down to E1 level 6 to submit our CDs.

That was the end of FYP 1.
Like FINALLY!!

There is so much that can be expressed yet some things are better left unsaid.

13 weeks of indescribable events, I heard a whole lot of stories from friends.

The nonsense
The test on friendship
Hypocrites hanging around hypocrites.
People Bitching behind each other's back. I'm sure either it happened to you or you're the one who started it all.
Some took advantage of friendship
And others got to see the other side of their project mates.

I know for sure that I have realized so many of things.
Disappointments, shocked... you name it.
Perhaps it’s because someone people don’t think before they talk.
Perhaps some people think they know it all
Perhaps I'm being too sensitive (I don't think so because I know I can VERY be ignorant at times)
Perhaps I was in the wrong too at times, not ALL the time.

Some of the issues, Yes I can tolerate them but others, I just don't give a fuck.

Sad but true.
I won't brood over it.
Won't even touch on the topic even when asked because I know what I read, saw and felt.

During the period of time, I grew tired of situations and the people around me. I would snap at the smallest issue. Thing is, I have a short attention span but high tolarance level but don't push your luck.

Someone said this before, " Your weakness is your strength - tolerance "

It came to a point when I decided to shut my mouth for the better and let nature take its course meaning do my work and submitting it. Help them in whichever way I can to complete the task. When everything is complete, I'll leave because I know I will have pay more attention to the other responsibilities that I would be carrying. 1 down, many to go. The load may be heavy, but I will try my best and I know its worth it.

I vent my anger and frustrations to Precious and I have learnt to appreciate his presence (and patience) even more. Never have I gotten a negative response. Sometimes one just need a channel to shoot everything out so that things would be better, one would also feel better. That's why as stated in my Friendster under the 'Who I'd like the meet section', I said someone who would listen, not fix me. See, I don't ask for much.

Precious, this is why I kept on falling over and over again :)

I told him perhaps my entry will make me lose my friends. Then again, friends come and go so why bother? Not that I don't care about them.. I do. It's just that sometimes we have to learn how to let go of things. I've learnt to make decisions using the brain and not the heart. I know of those who would be there for me when I fall, when I'm in doubt, when I'm down because they have shown me their worth to be called friends. They were there for me as much as I was there for them.

Other then the boyfriend, Industr|a whose now a resident of Tekong, Yanti and my 2 cousins... Nazurah and Raudhah whom I can turn to anytime..

I know I can also count on..

My doll who has always been there for me for the past 3 years.
Her boyfriend who sometimes can be a life saver
And the "Queen of English"... who can bitch and zap like nobody's business.

They are the ones whom I look forward to meet in school everyday; my group of favorite people. Despite our differences, its amazing that we don't have any communication problems and share our views about everything under the sun. Everything, really.

Not like when I'm around some people where I feel suffocated. I feel that there is a wall between me and them. Maybe its just me.

No offense, but I find it somehow hard, at times uncomfortable to communicate and understand some people. Like dad told us a few weeks back "Thank God that you weren't brought up in a typical Malay or Indian environment" else...

I'm not trying to condemn anyone or whatsoever but I do a lot of reflections about myself and the things/people around me. Mom always say that I'm all about favoritism and I have to admit it is true. I get close to the people whom I think are worth to go through the ride called life with me, the ups and downs. I stay away from people who fall under the "Hi-Bye" category in my book. Those are the people whom I don't think would make much of an impact on my life under whatever circumstances given.

I had a good conversation with a friend 2 weeks back during break about issues that he have been keeping to himself for a period of time. We exchanged thoughts about the many happenings in our lives like family, how FYP is testing our patience and friendship, school being a drag because if its long hours, our other half and also the future.

Some people I know are blessed with parents who give them time and attention. Others don't.

Once, I rushed home because suddenly I really wanted to meet my dad. Reached home at 3.45pm, asked my brother if dad had gone to work and he said yes. I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that I'm 45 minutes late. I lost track of time for some reason. I thought it would be 2.45pm when I reach home, just in time to either bump into him or even say hi. I just miss my dad.

My family do go out during the weekends if my both parents are not working. Don't see it as they work most of the time and neglect the family. My parents work hard to give us the good and comfortable life we are having.

FYP.

To either utilize fully what we have learnt in the past semesters or crying out loud because your parents have just wasted money (if it's not subsidized) and you, your time because you do not know what the hell is going on or how to complete the work allocated accordingly.

Is Patience Really A Virtue?
By Vatche Bartekian, Stress Management Specialist

"All good things come to those who wait." I've found that to be true so many times in my life. However, I have also realized that going out there and getting, achieving and traveling never hurt either.

I learned that patience is a virtue, but waiting too long for something is commonly referred to as laziness. If you realize this simple fact from the beginning, then you can make patience your best friend. If not, then patience can become your nemesis.

Every person has to exercise patience in order to face difficulties, whether he does so willingly or not. The wise man readily exercises patience because he realizes its benefits, and knows that he will be rewarded for his fortitude and criticized if he panics. He is aware that if he doesn't have patience, panicking and impatience will not help him regain missed opportunities, and will not take away things he dislikes.

http://www.askmen.com/fashion/body_and_mind/20_better_living.html

When got our presentation date 3 week before submission, it was horror I tell you. The thought of it made us all so kanchiong (and scared all together) because there is so much to do with so little time left. Preparing for the big day was not an easy task. An application that suit the business needs ( from the project that we have chosen ) and documentation left some scratching their heads because one does not know what to include inside it.

Friendship has also been tested. I know who my REAL friends are. I now know who will listen to my ramblings, who will be advise me when in doubt and be patient with me when I snap or grow lazy. Also, people who bitch about me and remain being a hypocrite about it.

Sometimes your opinions and suggestion would be chucked aside and this will somehow demoralize the other person

Final Year Project = Finish Your Project.

A whole lot of backstabbing. Can't believe the things people would do. Sigh.

Going Random.

1. Fasting month is coming.

2. Mom told me not to blog about people because they may terasa but I told her it’s my blog and if they feel offended in any way then too fucking bad. Like what my sister said to me before, "There is so much that we can do but whatever we have executed can never match up to what we are capable of". I have a heart, that's why. If I don’t... I guess I would have screwed so many lives up. Don't believe? TRY ME.

3. Blast from the past. Mike, an x-date re-appeared again into my life. Though it happened YEARS ago, we're still friends and that is good. Put everything behind us and start afresh. Unlike some people who don't even dare to face me. If you're brave enough to break my heart and say you're gonna hurt me sooner or later, why aren't you man enough to face me?

4. I’ve been so conscious about my food intake. Once, I couldn't decide between sushi and delifrance’s chicken mayo... then later settle for Yongtaufu because my meal would be boiled, not fried. Decided to get some yoghurt for dinner/supper. Can you believe that I actually compared the fat and saturated fat content. OMG.

Try not to eat after 9pm. Cut down my rice intake.

5. I realized that I cannot stand loud people. For fuck’s sake... why talk so loud when your so near to each other?

6. Went online to ask around if anyone knows anything about macro excel... and this is wad I get

r u leto's gf? lol
<*****> err.. X girlfriend. He got engaged. Long story.

With the background song... “Oh, look what you've done you’ve made a fool of everyone" - Jet.

Wad the hell!! Hahahaha..

7. I was doing my evaluation for accounting class last night when I asked myself, "Eh today what day?" Looked at the Rainlender program on my desktop, "Eh, Monday. Tomorrow got class". Why the question? I have NO IDEA. Guess I not only lost track of time, but also the day and date.

Like last Friday, I decided to skip class to do my continue with FYP because the deadline was near and we have to chioooonnggggg. I woke up at 7am, took a bath and went fall asleep soon after. Woke up later around 10am to wash up and get ready for school. Suddenly I felt like having McD's and was telling myself I want to have McChicken since it's only $2 and I would not be too full to have lunch with Precious. Guess what. I went into McD's and they were still serving breakfast. Looked at the time, 20 minutes to 11am. So Miss Gundu had McMuffin without egg (and decided not to take the drink that comes with it) for breakfast.

8. The facilitator was telling everyone in class about the FILA closing down sale - 70% off and G2000 - 30% off for tops. Yes, she provides us with this kind of information. Thanks ANN!!

9. Jimmy offered the class cherries from Washington DC. His cousin sent it to him via airmail and I heard someone said, "Bu//sh planted them". LOL

So many things have happened within the few weeks.
I want to get away from people, from everything.

My birthday's coming.
I remembered someone telling me to enjoy my last year being a teenager.
I did. The ups and downs. The shit I went through.

Well, it was worth the ride.
Because I've learnt so much.
About myself and the people around me.
Thank you.

This year.
I want it to be just another Saturday. Can?
No parties, no surprises.

I miss my girls, Juita and Nadiah.
Sigh.
Can I press the restart button for the 3 of us?

*//Darling, everything will be Ok. I’m sure tomorrow would be a better day than the previous one. Perhaps He has something bigger planned for stored for you, evol esemrub ym.

2007-07-30T10:18:00.000+08:00

I smiled when I these MSN personal msg.

sketch : Harry died on Pg.704. Hey chill, at least I didn't tell ya that Voldemort killed him and Dumbledore brought him back to life on Pg.724.

Nazra : RP is currently doing the ' What we can show, we show ', 'What we can hide, we hide' and 'What we cannot show or hide, temporary put outside'.

LOL.

Precious and I were walking to class this morning when he said, " See, not only the students do last minute work (FYP), even all these things ( renovation, props for the upcoming event whereby some minister or something is coming) are last minute one ". Yes, he complains a lot.

A few hours to go and I'm free from FYP 1.
Swimming..? Sheesha..? anyoneeee... before FYP 2 starts.

2007-07-29T02:23:00.000+08:00

Hectic week.
Been tolarating a lot of shit
Been entertaining too much nonsense.
Been keeping my mouth shut.

plus the lack of rest.. I just breakdown and cry.

oh well, what's new.

I've a lot to blog about actually, jotted down points though.
I'll be blogging about it in the coming week when I've catch up with sleep and after I throw away the things that I'm currently attached to. No, not precious.. but other stuffs which I think are not worth my time.. right doll?

2 months ago.. Everything was good.

Few weeks later, issues were brought up.. you see, sometimes things just go wrong. When 2 very different people get together, they say opposite attracts but when 2 similar people get together and things go wrong, they say "we are just too different" .. yeah, whatever.

I know that there are issues that precious and I need to settle, because of our differences. I'm glad we did talk about it and now, just let things happen and follow the flow. We don't know what God has in-store for us.. but I really pray its something beautiful.

today..Exactly 2 months.

Its still new.
I thought mom was right, " ALL men are the same "
Maybe she is right afterall.

BUT

Funny how shy I get shy.. ok ONLY SOMETIMES.. around him. The way I smile, the way he sometimes praise himself and his girlfriend and of course, the recent " plan to make Farah jealous "..I just want things to go the way it is planned.. I'm referring to God, not us.. because we have yet to plan anything.. except for dates and my Night Safari trip. Well, you get my drift right?

I took this from a friend's Friendster testimonial and I think it's rather cool I laughed after reading it.LOL.

"We have to admit we love STMFs but hate them as well..
Because if they really mean what they say, that is when we love them..
And when they are just saying it for pleasure, that's when we get ready our PARANGs!"

*//Here's a thanks to the summer i will always remember <3

2007-07-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

It's tiring.. this everything.
I just want to get it all over and done with.

I had a conversation with 2 friends asking for their opinion on a situation.

One advised me to forget everything since it's the past and if others want to rake it up, so be it. Ignore.

Another told me to tell the truth so that it won't hurt as much.

fighting againts time,
its a lousy position to be in.

2007-07-24T17:11:00.000+08:00

So it is pure coincidence that we are somehow talking about the same topic

or,

you just need more sins to add up to the heavy load you already have?

eat your heart out darling;
Back to FYP-ing.

Bet it would be great to hear your part of the story.
then again, what would you know.

2007-07-24T01:14:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulilah :)
A short nap before I continue inserting the values.

I miss precious.
hmm.

2007-07-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

It's funny how some people decide to read my blog ..

not that the entries are interesting in any way and my life is pretty much a repetition of my yesterdays ..

and then bitch about my entries.

Ok, sometimes I perasan can?
But like what mom told me before.. If you're blogging about this specific someone, he/she will know its about them. The person would just feel it.

but if you didn't do anything wrong, why are you so self-consciousness.

Whether its about my previous boyfriends or Precious :)
I don't give a shit.

I am more concern about my tomorrows than my yesterdays.
What matters for now is school, my family, my favourite people and Precious.

I don't manipulate others like how some people do, twist and turn their words out of trouble or hide the truth from the innocent. Neither am I a hypocrite.. OK, I am but I know of someone whose a bigger hypocrite than me :)

yes you.
Keep on pretending, go ahead.

heh.

and yes darling.. just as I was about to end this entry..

Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't...

Let's make love,
Let's go somewhere they might discover us.
Let's get lost in lust
We just don't care,
We just don't care,
We just don't care.

If we keep up on this fooling around
We'll be the talk of the town
I'll tell the world I'm in love any time
Let's open up the blinds 'cause we really don't mind

Even the radio station knows I'm thinking of you now.
Remember the day we were out shopping and they played this song while waiting for my top, we just turned to each other.. eyes locked and smiled. Moments like those.. PRECIOUS.

*//Now, You're the guy that I compare all of the other ones to...

2007-07-23T16:03:00.000+08:00

Juggling accounting and FYP is not fun.

Outsourced the Powerpoint slide for presentation
Ignoring whatever that is being said by Maode the facilitating.
Trying to figure out "system error &H8000FFFF (-2147418113). Catastrophic Failure"
Re-doing forms over and over, referring to notes after notes..

NOT FUN AT ALL.

I burnt the weekends figuring out how micro excel works.
Met-up with my few favourite people :)
Lazing around with cousins after ngaji..

And today..
The longest journey to school ever.

The initial plan was to wake up at 6.30am, leave home at 7am so I can be early for class.. YEAH RIGHT FARAH!

Slept at 3am, woke up at 7.30am. Woke precious up.. rushed out at 8am.
Waited for the bus.. 291's frequency.. FUCKED UP.
Mom was shock to see me alighting at the same bustop as her at same time since I went out of the house say.. 10 minutes before she did.
Walked to the bustop I'm suppose to take 168 ..and had to wait for another 15 mins.
again, SO SLOW. The bus frequency suck big timelah!

Either it comes late or its FULL!
I wonder why SBS aren't doing anything about it knowing that there are MANY and I really mean MANY ..RP students living in the East.

So, the bus came LATE.

As per normal, the 40 minute ride to school is a time where I rest or rather.. catch up with some more sleep because I'm not a morning person. I opened my eyes and saw KHATIB MRT STATION. What the hell!!?

For a moment, I asked myself.. "I took 168 right ?" Kental, I know.

I took the bus with Pen and so he told me the bus driver missed his turn ( the one which would allow us to see Singapore Sports School ) and had to take the 969 route since he didn't turn into the CORRECT exit. STUPID RIGHT?

Tampines to TPE to SLE to Khatib to Yishun then to WOODLANDS.
fucking long-winded!

The bus captain can turn and said SORRY to us.
heyyy.. you caused me my grade one way or another today okayyy!

* Maode, be nice to me k? Like you said, " how come the driver so cock one?"
It's really not my fault. I could have reached class before 9.15am if not for the cock fella.

From a few minutes, to 2 hours --late for class.

I'm taking a break from the codes and found this.
Courtesy of http://blog.izadnhana.org/wordpress/

Yes, that is MY niece..Marsya the princess.. the one in the RED JUMPER.
Told you she's the future heart breaker -- quoted from her picture in my Friendster account. SUPER CUTE.

2007-07-22T12:45:00.000+08:00

" Eh, I think ska was derived from Dangdut. Listen to the beat.."

That was the joke for the day. What are these people thinking??

I'll update soon.
I promise.

2007-07-20T02:22:00.000+08:00

It sucks when you have so many things to do, deadlines to meet and you're STUCK; not being able to move on to another stage simply because you can't seem to figure things out.

I feel like crying.
really.

I really want you to be here with me tonight.
Yes, you.

I'm going to bed.
ENOUGH for tonight.

2007-07-18T00:52:00.000+08:00

Today, for the first time in weeks.. I reached class at 8.41am
CONGRATS FARAH.. you were early!!

8.30 - 4pm; MIS lesson (boring!)
4.30 - 6pm; Accounting Clinic (not that bad)
6 - 8pm; FYP meeting.

I can't wait for US to finish this semester's Final Year Project so WE can go out on a date after so long.

Dinner & Ice-cream.

or

Watching airplanes fly above our heads.

or

sound of waves and having sand in between our toes

or

heart to heart bonding session *wink*
Can dear?

oh, if you need anything..
I'm just a phone call / IM message / e-mail away.
I'm sure you'll do just as well or perhaps better. *HuGs*

Ok, I need sleep.
I've been sneezing and coughing all day
Meeting at 9am later. YIKES!

*//There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. imu.

2007-07-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

I started my day at 4pm, rushing to school for my Econ's test which wasn't that bad.
FYP-ing in school till 9.30pm, till the lights in the canteen went off.
Didn't get my usual because under certain circumstances, it was not permissible.

but this, made my day.
Thank you darling.

Small things that make a BIG difference.

*//

stay righ here
and speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
thats leading me
to the place
where i find peace, again

you are the strength
thats keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the light
to my soul
you are my purpose
youre everything
and how can i stay here with you
and not be moved by you
but you tell me
how could it be any better than this
yaya

you calm the storms
and you give me breath
you hold me in your hands
you wont let me fall
you stole my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me there
take me deeper now

and how can i stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me how could it be any better than this
and how can i stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me how could it be any better than this

cause you are all i want
youre all i need
youre everything, everything

2007-07-16T13:38:00.000+08:00

2007-07-15T01:31:00.000+08:00

I am glad we talked things out.
I really thank God for all the good things that happened.

am I'm still in love with..
though we have our differences

We see how it goes, just go with the flow.
If things are good, I'm sure the future won't be as scary as it seem to be.
Thank you Dear.

and I love it when you answer me with a " a'ah.."

*//Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was "noh ss!w !"
it didn't make much sense until i read it upside down...

2007-07-14T02:54:00.001+08:00

I've not cried this hard since months ago.

Is there a price to pay for being nice?

Whatever I give, is from the heart.
Whatever I say, is the truth.. nothing but the truth.

Many things have turned for the better especially with you around.

Please.
Don't let the sadness of the past and the fear of the future ruin the happiness of our present.

why?
because I've learnt to accept my precious.
To love.. i really do.. my precious
To care for my precious.

No, I dont want to..

Let's just see how it goes like how we use to take it.
If others can do it, why not us?

I gave u my heart; the permission to break it but trusting u not to..

2007-07-13T18:44:00.000+08:00

Same Sex, Same Issues?
All couples disagree no matter what their gender

Whatever your partner's gender, most relationships aren't just blissful candlelight dinners and snuggles on Sunday mornings. Disagreements can erupt over almost anything, from hot-button topics like money and sex to squabbles over the ex who's tagging along too much.

Sex + money = trouble
"Money almost always comes up at some point, whether the couple is same-sex or not," says Valarie Eilert, a Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in San Francisco. People fear losing money, having more of it than they can manage, not earning enough, or - worst of all for relationships - discovering that their spouse has spent joint funds unwisely. Because more money can mean more power, partners may fight about finances to disguise a tug-of-war over control in the relationship.

Sex with a new partner usually starts out with fireworks, but in any couple the spark can fizzle - or ignite into anger. Sexual problems are equal opportunity. There's plenty to argue about: How often should we have sex? What positions are most exciting? Who initiates? Sexual shame can make these topics difficult to discuss, so partners sometimes retreat into silence rather than admit their fears and desires.

Talking the talk
Same-sex couples may have an advantage over straight partners, though. "Men and women are socialized so differently in our culture that it can be difficult for them to communicate with each other," says Eilert. Pair a man with a woman, and you've got a cross-cultural relationship. "But when two men or two women form a couple, they sometimes understand each other's communication styles more easily. Sometimes that means the communication is more productive," Eilert continues. "And sometimes it's just more."

Guess who's coming to dinner?
Sara Simunovich and Cindi Harrison, who married each other a few months ago, say same-sex couples have an unusual tendency to remain friends with former lovers. That, they believe, causes a set of problems that many heterosexual couples don't face.

"Straight couples don't have their exes coming for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and every other meal of the year," says Sara. "When women start a relationship, they jump in and don't hold back. So then you've got two emotionally attached women who, when they do break up, have trouble drawing the line with someone they feel is so close to them."

Homophobia isn't helpful
Not all heterosexual couples enjoy the full support of our society, as nearly any interracial straight couple will attest. But, overall, easy access to legal marriage and support from family and friends makes life easier for opposite-sex couples.

Social opposition to same-sex relationships, on the other hand, takes its toll. "Hell yeah, homophobia makes a difference," Sara says. "When I lived in Arkansas, I had girlfriends who wouldn't hold my hand because I look gay." Eventually, she moved to California and found a wife who's happy to hold her hand.

Although there are some differences between gay and straight relationships, the gender of the partners isn't the most important factor in the relationship - communication, respect, similar values and love are all equally important. "The basic experiences are the same," concludes Eilert.

by E.Q. O'Briant

I just finished 1 whole bowl of instant noodles.
Impressive.

My sister just came home shouting about, telling me of her latest findings.
and yes, HER X-boyfriend is a jerk.

God LOVES us. He showed his powers upon the prayers we made.
Lies.. well well well.. BOYS will be BOYS.
some grow up, some don't.
right?

Some have the guts to say " its over.." with a good reason.
Some.. are losers who run away from..
you know what I mean.

Look at them.

I think my sister is wayyyy HOTTER!

Yes babe, you deserve someone better.
I told you they are all the same from the start except for..
1 year 5 months, 27 days.. down the drain.
Screw them.
LESSON LEARNT right?

2007-07-13T15:43:00.000+08:00

That was yesterday's entry and I'm taking back my words about moving to Wordpress.com
I think changing the current skin would set everything back to normal.

because its Friday.
because the weekends is here.
because you'd be too busy.
because we won't be meeting.
because we won't be talking much
because we live so far apart.
because I'd be occupied.
because I won't get to see that smile

because I'll definitely miss you.

Class have ended officially for the week.
1 week down.. THANK GOD.

2007-07-12T01:45:00.000+08:00

I really miss hanging out till late evenings.
Walk around till our legs get so weak
Sit under the beautiful stars high up in the sky
Talk as if there is no tomorrow
Smile until our cheeks gets tired
Share, like we've only known each other yesterday.

It's not easy but I'm trying my best to adapt.
It's not hard to be a good girlfriend if the extra effort is put in.

Sometimes I just wish I could go far far away.
Sometimes I just wish I could disappear..
Away from everyone.

Dear God, I have seen your powers.I have seen unexplainable things happening right under my nose. Please guide me. Please open up my heart and help me accept what that is happening around me. Please help the people around me see how true some people are and guide them to the right path. I know I am in no position in some issues but I do not want people to go through what I went through. Amin.

*//yes love. I'm just so scared that one day you will be the one to wake up and realize that I'm not ..worth it anymore

2007-07-11T17:37:00.000+08:00

I thought of giving it a try since I never did it with people of the same culture. I thought since our values and beliefs are the same (and MAYBE mindset too), things would work out and fitting in would not be a problem.

HELL WAS I WRONG.
Lesson learnt.
Ames doll, precious.. you know what I'm talking about.

I should have applied whatever that I've learnt from the involvement with organizations when I was younger. Years have passed, yet not much changes made. They will still be them. How they handle things, is still like how it was.

OH WELL~

I need to do the housework now.
I feel like munching (and precious reminded me again, and again not to have too much else I'd put on weight)

I want to go for a short getaway.
like really.

2007-07-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

I was talking to Fahmy and he told me he'd save some donuts for me. The questions is..
does it taste like any other donut? because a donut is a donut you know..

Someone Queue and get some for me can?

2007-07-10T16:02:00.000+08:00

Saturday's wedding, yes I was a total _________.
Events that happened during the wedding..
From the pictures taken to the meet-the-bride-and-groom session.
From the guess book signing, to personally approached to thank. HAH!
Somehow, it did make me laugh.. how some people can be.. OH WELL~

Those close to me, I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say here :)

Sunday was like any other weekend.
Waking up late in the afternoon
Ngaji
Small talks with Cousins

Meeting Asri before he books into camp together with the others.
For the first time, I tasted Ben & Jerry's ice-cream. So kental, I know.
And surprisingly, it's not as tasty as I thought it would be.
I think I've tasted better.
Oh maybe it's because I only like chocolate/coffee/mocha.

Moving on,
Precious was LATE ON MONDAY!!
we came into class just in time for 1st break.
terriblelah that boy.

FYP meeting till 8pm.
Me, syimah and syasya were already restless at 7.30pm.

And today.
I didn't attend class because I didn't have a good night's rest.
I fall asleep while chatting with Precious online.
Woke up 2 hours later. Tossed and turn till 6am.
Took a 1/2 hour nap which lasted till 8am when mom knocked on my door.
There goes my grade for MIS.

I went through it again last night.
I felt so down, I cried.
I fall asleep, waking up hours later like nothing happened the night before.
Can someone tell me why?

**

I totally hate it when someone people start accusing me of doing something I didn't. For instance last night. I got home, washed my feet.. took some food to my room and mom was screaming. She accused me of going DATING. OHMYGOD! I was in school till 8pm.. dating?? And that really pissed me off. If I'm on a date, I wouldn't be wearing shorts and slippers to school ad would be home pass 11pm instead of 9.30pm. Just because I lie once, twice but school is school. I don't skip lessons because this semester, my grades are way better than the first two years of school. So, stop accusing can?

I still think I deserve an apology even if it happened MONTHS back. Don't tell me you treat me like a sister yet, telling everyone about it EXCEPT FOR ME. What if the exact situation happen to you? Please don't pretend to be some helpful soul wanting to save my future. If you really cared, you would be approaching me instead of.. don't see me as someone whose weak, someone who cannot accept reality or someone whose not strong enough to control my feelings and actions. OH WELL~ some people just don't know what mutual respect is, well.. at least that is what I think because if you do, you should have known better.

I totally understand the lack of attention or change of plans. I have learnt about your priorities and I respect that. Well, I can't do anything about it right? We learn, we share but if it comes to a point where you cannot take whatever that I am giving, please do tell me.

No, this is not teenage angst.
There are too many back-stabbers and hypocrites around.
Not many out there I can trust.
Some are not even worth it be called friends.
At least the blog doesn't give me an attitude and answer me back.

I thought of going swimming since my friends are busy
then I remembered, my skin is breaking.
DAMN.

oh, anyone interested in..

2007-07-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

Its Friday night, I wanted to go out
I didn't want to go to no show
Didn't want to cruise main street
I didn't want to go to no disco (no no)
I just wanted you to come over
Sit on the couch and hold me tight
But you went out with some ~~dumbjock~~ friends
And left me alone
With my ~~skateboard~~ super single bed tonight.

KIDDING!

Precious's out with his boys and me? I just got home about 1 1/2 hrs ago.

It was friday a few hours ago. Its Saturday already (12:24am) which I'm sure is going to pass very quickly because I would be occupied with the wedding to attend later on. Good sleep on Saturday night, wake up to a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Ngaji, housework and school again the next day. Everything is so routine.

Every weekend would be the same.
Come home late on Friday night, Saturday out with family, Sunday ngaji and house chores. I guess Amelia Doll and precious is right. I have no life except for..

Anyway.

9.30am-4am:

I came late for class today (as usual). My microeconomics class isn't that bad actually. I realized something today. Given a task (powerpoint presentation) to do, I would put in the effort only if there is no distractions around me. Take example today, Audrey left early because her laptop was giving her a lot of problems so, the only girl in the team is, Miss Farah. My other group mates told me to find out more about Monopoly (legal and natural monopoly) and I actually did, including its pros and cons in which one of them (the smartest among all, I'm not kidding you) told me he tried but didn't manage to find it online but I DID. I guess he's too tired and had his mind stuck to the questions in the worksheet that might be a possibility for us to present in third meeting.

and somehow Clinston was shock to know that I'm one year older than him.
weird.

other than that, I'm proud of myself.

*// Coming Econs UT would be a killer. So please study.
Source: my facilitator.

4.15pm-5pm

UT was a give away and again, I didn't have enough time to complete it.

5pm-7pm

FYP meeting.
I wasn't functioning.
I kept looking back to see if precious is around, and the feeling sucks big time when you know he won't pass-by.

7pm-7.45pm

Accompanied Precious while his friends were still at the Gym.

I got a call from my sister when I was on the way home telling me that she is going to for some kenduri so I would have to go fetch Hakim. Only then I realized that I didn't bring the house keys. Met Yanti at the court.. fetched Hakim at 10pm. Had supper with him and headed home at 11pm.

I have 2 RJ to submit.
2 report to pass to syimah to edit

I bet I'm going to fall asleep later.
tired.tired.tired.

Wedding's tomorrow.
another long day.

*//Precious, I hope you like the drawing. LOL

2007-07-05T11:42:00.000+08:00

Collected my Punjabi suit on Tuesday then headed to the (family) usual under-the-block restaurant for Chicken Briyani ( though he prefers Briyani dam), paper tosai, chicken Masala. See, I prefer REAL food then fast food though I can never finish the portion given.

Precious brought me to places I have never been to, those located in the middle of office buildings. Park View Square seems eerie from the outside. That was how I looked at it before we went over to check it out. It's actually not so bad after-all. There were seats around, spotlights everywhere, statues of famous musicians (I think) and even a mini fountain. Another, a place where he use to skate with his friends 4-5 years back. When I asked for the building name, he said, " the agar-agar building ".. Its of walking distance to Suntec City. I never knew these places existed.

FYP meeting yesterday was from 10am ( I was 20 mins late ) to 5.30pm. Precious actually waited from 2pm to the end of my meeting. Such a darling. We headed to the park to watch the stars and talk about everything under it. For the first time, I opened myself up and actually told him the many issues I've been trying to run away from.

"Run and run till you fall down. That is the time you just breakdown and cry"

I am very sleepy.
I feel like having chocolate waffles.
And its so not helping, because I need to lose weight!

Juita darling, thank you for the e-mail.
It made my day :)

HARD-DISK Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is pretty!

INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Girls:
Out of every 10 things she says, 8 are nonsense.

VIRUS Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself
and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something,
if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

So precious, which one am I? LOL

2007-07-03T16:47:00.000+08:00

To think it was an easy paper..

but STUPID/SLOW ME didn't finish it on time.
walauuuuu.. so disappointing.

2007-07-02T18:06:00.000+08:00

Wednesday.. FYP.. must chiongggg already.

*//thanks Wanie darling for the reality check; latest blog entry.

Precious, please start on you FYP project.
So much to do, so little time.
I don't want you to push yourself to the point where you say, "I give up !!"
*huGs*

I feel like having Mon Cherie..but I can't.
Blame the codings :(
Done with dinner.
I'm going to take a nap before continuing with it. sigh.

2007-07-01T22:31:00.000+08:00

I hate doing this but I know I've been doing it for a the longest time.
Running away from everything I own.

The house, total madness.

Doesn't mean you work hard and give us money, you have the right to do and say as you please. I do not think that is right.

Doesn't mean you use each other's belongings.. love will turn to hatred because no permission is granted.

Explainations.
Acceptance.
Bond.

I don't see all those.

I bought a suit at Tekka just now, sent it for alteration and am collecting it tomorrow evening. Anyone interested to tag along? I feel like having Paper Tosai.. and perhaps go do threading.

MSN me.

2007-07-01T03:34:00.000+08:00

Painful throat, coughing.
I'm still not sleepy.

2007-07-01T02:31:00.001+08:00

"Winnie, before the lift door open can hear your voice already.. "ZARA 50% sale!!"

"My friend pon (skip) 2nd and 3rd meeting to go to the Zara sale "

Hilarious how Winnie told one of my male group-mate La Senza having 30% discount.
Then i asked her, " Why are your telling him that?".
She laughed. HAHA.

That was the discussion topic towards the end of my Microeconomics 2nd breakout yesterday. Though the class is usually dry, somehow the team I was in yesterday wasn't that bad compared the last 2 lessons.

Lunch with precious; priceless.

He's been busy with work, gym, class and friends so moments like this where we get to sit down and talk, I really appreciate it. Sacrificing his time and show of concern. Though we don't look eye to eye on some of the issues I brought up, I guess it goes back to our perception of things in life, the values that our parents instill in us when they were bringing us up, religion and the nature of our surroundings that influence us in one way or another.

Precious, I'm not complaining OK? You have a life, I have one too. As long as we know our limits and don't break the trust and bond, things are good right? :)

Dad and his friends are outside in the living room trying to investigate the latest happenings in my house. Therefore, I'm stuck in my room. Something weird have been bothering my sister late at night while she is about to sleep or when she is sleeping. The stories she told us, scary shit. I've ever went through similar situations too when I was younger but nothing as scary as those she encounter lately.

Lunch at Hajjah Maimunah, then headed to the hospital to visit Aunty Na. Raudhah mentioned that she saw Sham; the x-boyfriend whose a doctor in his uniform few days ago.

Cousin, you should have not mentioned it in-front of my mom. You know how sensitive the issue is when it concerns the x; especially sham. After 2 weeks of you not coming for ngaji, its really nice to see you. We'll be meeting during THAT wedding. EXCITED to meet you girls.. hooray to the upcoming cam-whoring session! Other than that, I'm going to act as if I don't care because I am not interested; really..

Headed to Selegie Road because mom insisted we (me and my sisters) get our Punjabi suit for the wedding. I want something white/turquoise or black/silverish light bronze, the ones with tapered pants ( I want to know how it feels to be wearing those pants. How the hell do I get my big feet through the small hole); like those in Hindustan movies. I didn't know it is very difficult to choose or rather find a nice suit and never know it is SUPER EXPENSIVE!! I've never owned a Punjabi suit before you see. $200-$300 for one that is nicely decorated with sequins.. what the hell!? I don't want to spend so much on something I know I would wear only once or twice. I seldom go to weddings and even if I do, I'd be wearing the baju kurung not like some ladies who wear jeans with some top. I am still traditional when it comes to certain issues. I think ladies look more presentable in the baju kurung when attnding wedding ceremonies. Pants suits are not bad actually but not with something which is too body-hugging (and too transparent) if you know what I mean. My point of view :)

Came home and found this.

Yesterday too, someone PRETENDED TO BE ME in mIRC (like how Syimah would say, "That is so last season") and even passed my MSN address. How fake can there people be? I have been trying to be a good girlfriend *ahem* and daughter but people just love to do silly things.. like how precious would say, "Don't do stupid things can?".

Just as things were going on smooth for me. Politics (and PMS) got in the way and screwed everything up. Sigh. I sometimes wonder why do some people like to bring others down.

A friend said this to me, "she vehemently state that she isn't bothered. What a paradox".

The blog was published with only one reason.
For those who come across it to learn from what I went through. I tried to keep it away from people especially those involved because I don't want others to change their perception of the x-boyfriend. Whatever he did to me, I'm sure there is a reason behind it. Whether he was forced to or did it willingly, God knows.

I can be evil and release the blog address long time ago, but I didn't.
I can be heartless and turn the story around, edit the e-mail here and there then let my friends read it but I didn't.
I can be a bitch to blame you for everything when you're not at fault because I know you don't even know I exist before it happened between the two of you.
I can expose secrets that will ruin a lot of your relationships but I didn't.
Most importantly,
I can post the stories I heard, be it true or not.. adding sins to the heavily written left shoulder about what really happened.

I was left with a choice whether to ruin you, but did I do it?
No, because I know how you would feel as a human with feelings. I am one too.

For the past for months, I have been trying to defend some people due to their actions towards me though I feel the hurt every time something related is mentioned. I should have let strangers bitch, make assumptions, curse and swear at them but I didn't. Trust me, a lot of people wanted to do it on MY behalf. Their actions are far beyond by control but I told them if they love me as a friend then don't do it. Would you hurt someone whom you once loved and still care about? Even as a friend, I won't.I tried to turn it around as if no one is at fault though I feel crushed, lied to, betrayed and cheated. I know that I am entitled to take revenge after everything that has happened but did I?

Perhaps I would if I could but the problem was that I couldn't even bring myself to do it. I wasn't even thinking of it. I just sit and cry. I know whatever that has happened is not worth my tears but it came rolling down because I loved him whole-heartedly. Though the relationship only lasted a period of time, I did whatever I can to make him happy. I cried not because my efforts went down the drain but because I loved him too much that it hurts when he left without a reason.

It doesn't matter how long the relationship was.

One of my good friend, was in a relationship which lasted for 6 years. Another was in a relationship for 13 years or was it 8. I know of someone who got got married after 6 months being together but knew each other for the longest time. That was during the kampong days that is. So is the duration still important? Whether you last or not, is all up to you. God will guide you but you are the one who makes the decision and whatever you choose, He will bring you to the path you're going to take and lead you again from there.

Like mom said to me before, "Kalau dah jodoh memang tak ke mana tapi kite kene carik jugak. Kalau tak carik, tak datanglah".
(If you are destined to be with that someone, it won't go anywhere. But if you don't search for it, it won't come to you just like that".)

If you're meant to be with that particular person, then you will. Else, He has better plans for you. Some people may accept the outcome, some may not. Time, will heal and change everything. Be patient, things happen for a reason.

Some lie to get away when situations turn ugly, to get out of trouble. We say, lying is a sin but think about it, how much lies have been said either to the people around you or even to yourself. I know lie to myself when I am unhappy about something. Turn it around as if I am OK and act as if I am able to deal with it when at times, I know I can't. I lie to get away from things, people and situation. I'm sure many do that too.

Everyone has secrets; either you know how to keep them properly or not. Whether it is safe with the people you trust or not. Whether it would hurt when exposed or explain everything. Like what Industr|a taught me before, " Some things are just not meant to be said/shared". I totally agree with that.

Industr|a, CALL ME CAN?? I heard Tekong isn't THAT bad after all. I've a lot to update you about :)

A friend said this to me when he got to know about what happened.
"..She vehemently state that she isn't bothered. What a paradox.. "

I laughed.

What else can I possibly say right? I can continue to bitch but I didn't. Precious said that I have a lot of enemies because I like to bitch. My dear, actually the only person who has a problem with me till now is this girl from secondary school who ACCUSED me of stealing her boyfriend. Other than that, I don't bother. I don't try to be Miss know-it-all. I talk only when I want to. I create conversation with people who know what they are talking about. I don't provoke people unless they cross the line because I believe that I have a high tolerance level and lastly, I don't bitch unless someone tries to be funny with me.

So dear, please take back your words *nyehnyeh* :P

Growing up, is not as easy as it seems and you don't need to get married and have children to be an an adult. Precious told me that you must first have the mentality of an adult, then get married. Else, you won't be able to carry out your responsibility as a good wife and mother. Agree? No?

Life itself is a phase where we try to learn as many things as we can then applying it to our daily life. So what's your definition of an adult? Someone who makes the right decision? Well, even in decision-making, adults take the wrong step and thus, screwing themselves and everything that has been laid in-front of them.

Change one thing, change everything.

I don't know a lot of things but I learn from experience and make decisions based on what I see and have gone through. I try to make rational decisions and think of the consequences because every action done, has an outcome be it good or bad.

I shall not speak about this again.
I think I have spoken enough and I don't want to ruin any relationship or, spark an argument with or among anyone. The more I talk about it, maybe the more people will get provoked. I don't want people to be hunting me down, cursing and swearing about of what happened between me and him. I don't know how much longer can these people hold out because if I tell them what's on my mind, trust me it wont be pretty on me.
I shall not speak about this again.

well, I'm trying. At least I tried right?

Precious can't be fucked about my past, therefore I don't tell him but deep inside, I know he cares. Well, he better. LOL.

Whatever the outcome is after this, I can only say 1 thing..
" My boyfriend is way cooler than yours.. "

If you don't agree with the statement, then too bad. Like what I always say to precious, "my mouth, my problem ahh.." and often get into trouble because of THAT.

and Syasya sayang.. I NAK PICS!!

*//The worst thing about being lied to is knowing that you're not WORTH the truth.

2007-06-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

UT SUCKS BIG TIME.

yes, and that is FINAL.
FUCK.

2007-06-28T09:18:00.000+08:00

2007-06-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

So, how does it feel to know the truth?
Wait, can you actually handle it like I did?

I don't think so because it didn't happen to you
and someone told me how it all started and WHY it happened.

Have you ever heard of the song Lies by SAVE FERRIS?
No? Ok, here are the lyrics.

Lies, to deceive
Tellin' lies, tellin' lies
I can't believe
Lies, to deceive
So many lies, so many lies
Why do we believe

I've done wrong
I've listened to the wrong advice
I saw something in you once
Now I see it ain't so nice
Trouble is, I believed in you
I was the one who was being fooled
But I won't let it be the same
I won't fall back into your little game of

Lies, that deceive
Your little lies, your little lies
I can't believe
Lies, won't retrieve
The love you lost, the love you lost
When you lost me

You filled my head with untruth
Made me believe that you were you
Fed me lines of make-believe
But this time it's you who'll see

Your lies, won't retrieve
The love you lost, the love you lost
When you lost me

When the situation occurred
You quickly hid behind your words
I opened up my eyes
And soon I realized
That it's too late, my love has turned to hate
And there's nothing left for you
And your lies
Why do we believe

And I wonder how did you get hold of the entry or rather blog..
You? smart? it was easy? hah! babe, who are you kidding with?

insecured.Teenage angst.
because, the kid have yet to grow up to be a woman.

I said this to someone before,
"you get involve with.. you get involve with people from the past, present and future. Whether you like it or not because.. people wonder what happened"

LIFE.
When will all these controversy end?

1. Who is the last person you held hands with?
^ :)

2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
^ No, because I would have to depend on myself. People close to me would know how pampered I am. I don't even wash my own plate. hahaha.

3. Do you sleep with the TV on?
^ Sometimes.

4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
^ yes.

5. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
^ no.

6. What is your longest fight you had with your partner?
^ with precious? yet to have one.

7. Are you a fast typer?
^ I guess so.

8. Are you scared of the dark?
^ No, but I hate it when my imagination start to go wild.

10. Who can you always turn to?
^ best friend.

11. When was the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
^ usually during weekends.

12. Do you knock on wood?
^ no.

13. Are you drinking anything right now?
^ plain water

14. Do you think you're attractive?
^ I don't think so.

15. What do you want for your next birthday?
^ to meet my grandma, can? I want her to bring me eat Mee rebus with chicken.

16. Do you know the muffin man?
^ nope.

17. Do you talk in your sleep?
^ My sister said i ever ..

18. Have you ever flown a kite?
^ don't remember doing so.

19. When was the last time that you
went swimming and where?
^ with Syasya and Nadia.. my 3rd cousins at Carrissa Park Condo

20. Do you consider yourself
successful?
^ to destroy myself.. yes.

21.How many people are on your contact
list of your cell phone?
^ Lazy to count

25. Have you ever jumped on a
trampoline?
^ nope.

26. Plans for tomorrow?
^ going to school with precious :)

27. What's your middle name?
^ don't have one

28. Missing someone right now?
^ hell yea.

29. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
^ :)

31. How are you feeling today?
^ cramps!

33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
^ I was naughty not to that extend.

34. What are you looking forward to?
^ tomorrow morning!

37. Have you ever eaten dog food?
^ no.

38. Can you handle the truth?
^ yes because shit happens.

40. What 3 things do you always bring
with you to places?
^ IC, handphone, house keys

41. What are your plans for summer?
^ to fall in love.. because I'm his summer love :)

42. Do you like or have a crush on
anyone?
^ yes.i.do.

45. How often do you talk on the phone?
^ depends.

46. Do you believe in love?
^ if he can convince me fully.. I've learnt to use the brain and not the heart to make decisions.

47. Is there something you want that
you can't have?
^ a lot of moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

48. Three things about the opposite sex
that you first notice?
^ smile, eyes and hair.

50. What did you last hug?
^ my pillow.

51. where is your cell phone?
^ In-front of me, on the bed.

54. Favorite Color(s)?
^ black, white, turquoise

55. Last movie you watched?
^ lake house, long long time ago.

56. What song are you currently
listening to?
^ nothing

57. What do you want?
^ to be someone successful.

59. What TV show are you watching?
^ tv is off; not watching.

60. Who was the last person you talked
to on the phone?
^ precious :)

*// I'm going to school with precious tomorrow. neh-ne-nipupu :) And a little bit of jealousy doesn't kill. Like you said, its the past so why look back?

2007-06-27T01:20:00.000+08:00

I hate the insecurity that is felt from time to time. benci.benci.BENCI!

I hate crying to sleep.

Now,
I feel like crying. I want to scream. I want to get away from everyone.
Strangely.
No one is bothering me but i feel so provoked.
I hate this feeling.

My menses is 2 weeks late.
I feel the cramps and there is so much white discharge.. but no blood.

Fucklah.

I stayed in school till late evening for accounting class.
Bus ride home seem to long, I fell asleep.
The PSP died on me.

I pray tomorrow would be a better day.

I want to walk with sand in-between our toes at the beach.
Talk, laugh and share like how we did.
I want to take long bus rides then have dinner
Because that's the only way now I get away from anger.

PMS is turning me into some kind of.. naggy/angry woman.
What's new about that right?

2007-06-26T02:04:00.000+08:00

He said,

" Time flies when u r happy! "

She said,

" The sparkle in your eyes could make the stars jealous. It was a beautiful night filled with small talks and laughter. Nights like this make me appreciate life even more. Thank you. "

He said something. She stared at her screen and smiled.
why?

Because she feels the exact same way.
It may be too early to judge but we both know..

It just feels so right.

2007-06-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

After much Procrastinating.. i finally did it.

I cut two and a half inch of my hair.
and yes, I feel good about it.

I feel so much lighter up there.
But still as heavy down there.

haha.
Oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Thambi & Amir :)

Hope you enjoyed the green tea + lemon tea + cake combo by the boys.

The day is SUPER warm. I feel so sticky.
Now, time to go back to housework.
hurhur.

2007-06-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

My Saturday was.. one of those weekends I felt like a princess :)

What else would be great than going shopping (with precious), with money from Dad.

I gave him the reason of the increased in GST next month.. which would not be worth MY money to go shopping because everything will be so expensive. So, he transfered 200 bucks. 2 hours after telling him that I met precious in town.

We walked around, he totally dislike the idea of me ..look-attracted-ask for size.

So we tried on clothes.. joined long queues to get into the fitting room, browse through almost every rack in the shops we went into and him saying no to my fashion sense. Those who know me should know that I just couldn't be bothered to dress up. I got nothing to show. I wear what I feel comfortable in.

So, at the end of the day before settling down for lemonade and Ferrero Rocher flavoured ice-cream.. we bought

Bought 1 t-shirt, 1 long-sleeved top and grey jeans from Pull & Bare.

*Raudhah, the long sleeves.. the kind you always ask me where I get mine from.. you can get them here.

1 cute-print grey tshirt from Punk Star @ Far East Plaza

Black Slippers from Novo.

2 cardigans from Cotton Candy @ Far East Plaza

Good buy I tell you.
Worth it.

No ngaji today.

I need to cut my hair, about 2 inch.
And alter my jeans; the grey one I just bought and the jeans I bought at Topshop about a year or so ago.

Got home close to midnight then take a cab down to Bedok Jetty to join the rest.
I simply HATE IT when taxi drivers say they know how to get to a certain place when actually they don't. THAT irritates the hell out of me.

Got home at around 4am then mom asked what did I buy with the money I got. I showed her and her reply was, 'boring colors'.

Its all his fault precious. Influence me to the black to white tones. hurhur. :P

I'm sure precious is on the way to the gym now.
And I, have to execute my plans of sending the jeans and chopping off my hair.
Perhaps it will lighten some burden I've been carrying.

For the grey jeans I bought yesterday, I think I shall wash it first then send for alterations.

but i'm sleepy.
but if I don't go, I don't have anything to wear tomorrow.
I do, just that.. I want to wear my NEW tops.

sigh.